Navel Gazing

So I had a nice blog post written for this evening - not the nostalgia one I had planned - as I'm too tired for that, but just a nice retrospective one about writing and why I write this blog. Anyway like a total stupidgirl I accidently deleted the entire thing - and then the autosave saved the blank version - thanks blogger!


There's no point crying over lost words, I'm too tired for that, so I'm just going to summarise, in bullet points, what I said. Just for entertainment, sorry if you feel this is a cop out but I really wanted to write something tonight as I am going away tomorrow + won't have a chance to blog again until the weekend.

• I started blogging in 2009 for no apparent reason 'cept I felt I needed to write. I wasn't really sure why and I'm still not. I don't think what I have to say is all that interesting and there are many people who are much more articulate but for some reason I'm still here
• The snippet of book I posted last week is from a thriller I started working on last year involving twin girls, multiple personality disorder + a serial killer obsessed with nursery rhymes. I got way too bogged down with over-thinking the book and gave up after 5k words. 
• I used work and rock climbing as a substitute for writing. This does not work. Especially when you read around 2 books per week like I do. That little voice in your head is saying "writewritewrite". It's kind of hard to ignore so...
• I woke up with an entire book plot in my head in August 2010. I kind of fooled around with some character sketches and bits + pieces but not more than around 2k words. I left it.
• Then a "friend" mentioned NaNoWriMo, I thought fuck it, I can write 50k words, doesn't mean it'll be any good. So I did. So we're here and I have 50k words of "book"
• I plan to use this blog to encourage me to write regularly and come february I hope to have enough confidence to finish my Nano book. I need to write around another 30k words.
• My future plans for this blog involve writing mini essays on subjects that interest me like Nostalgia and Chocolate and Generation Y etc. I will also keep on doing my weekend lists and random book reviews and generally waffling on as you guys seem to like it and I want to keep you happy.
• I also plan to do some interviews with people I find interesting, so twitter peeps this means you These will be a little like the Observer's `This Much I Know I True. If you would be happy to be interviewed DM me or tweet me or comment below.

So that's pretty much it for tonight, just one more thing. Here's a tiny snippet from my nano book for you - don't forget, it's totally unedited, all errors are MINE!

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Nano Snippet

Sometimes I feel as if my brain is atrophying, there is just a white void in my skull where the knowledge should be. I feel hungry for something, but I’m not sure what. It’s like having a word right on the tip of your tongue but it just being out of reach. I see things, I hear conversations, read the odd paper and it stirs me up but again, that sensation of something sliding out of my grip. I don’t have to think any harder than how to please Michael and dullness of this is starting to terrify me. I think maybe the medication isn’t working anymore. At the Convent they started us on the medication as soon as we arrived. Just a little, white, round pill, no markings nothing – it’s your medication, take it, the nuns would say. And being good girls we’d wash it down with our morning juice.

Hiding the crazy - my top 10 favourite cult movies

So cult movies - to be more specific - my top 10 cult movies. In case you've forgotten - and for newbies to the blog - every weekend I try to do a top 10 of something, anything really. I love top 10 lists, if you're interested, here is my original blog post about them  Sunday-List Day


Before we start, I just want to point out that the movies on this list are in no way intended to be a) an exhaustive list b)actual cult films (eg Pulp Fiction). The films on this list are a little funny or quirky or scary or inspiring or just plain different and original. You may have seen most of them, or some, or none even, but I hope you spot one that appeals, and if not let me know what you think of my list!


1) Juno - okay so not a hugely original choice *but* this film is just so endearing and funny. Ellen Paige + Michael Cera make a great teenage couple surprised by pregnancy with some star turns from Jennifer Garner + Jason Bateman. For me, the best thing about the movie - aside from the fabulous acting + witty, wry script is the fucking awesome soundtrack. A real rom-com with a difference, this is one for a chilled out evening on the sofa.


2) Sunshine - an awesome and beautiful short sci-fi film from Danny Boyle + Alex Garland. Starring the hottie that is Cillian Murphy, this film, with its beautiful cinematography and pared down script completely won me over. Set on aspacecraft with a lethal mission to save the earth from the sun, this plot of this film unfolds with grace and elegance. Even if you don't like sci-fi the simple beauty of this film should appeal. PS great soundtrack too, trying to get hold of it for my ipod.


3) Heathers - to be honest, I expect most readers of this blog to have seen this film. A late 80's classic starring a very young Winona Ryder + Christian Slater at his black + sarcastic finest, this tale of a girl's revenge on the popular girls at school takes the Carrie treatment to a whole other level. Worth watching on those days when the whole world has pissed you off and you want to do more than just flip'em the birdie. Also love the fabulously bad 80's outfits and decor. 

4) Picnic At Hanging Rock now, I don't often meet someone who's seen this film. Made by Peter Weir in in 1975, plot is set at the turn of the century + revolves around a group of schoolgirls on a trip to a mysterious rock formation in the Australian outback. What really gives this film an edge is its eerie setting + soundtrack as well as the spookily unresolved ending. Definitely one that'll give you goose bumps.


5) The Descent - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh is all I can say about this one. If you don't like caving, claustrophobia, the dark or creepy underground scary things that want to kill you, then you probably won't like this film. If you want a great, non-cheesy horror film with a difference (all female cast) and without horribly overdone special FX this film is for you. Prepare for the terror to be ramped up very slowly to give you some serious jumps!


6) Ghost World a special little quirky one, based on the graphic novel of the same name, this oddball movie stars social outcasts Thora Birch+a very young Scarlett Johansson over one summer after they graduate from high school.  Getting up to various schemes + adventures (involving the ever fabulous Steve Buscemi) this low-fi film is perfect for a chilled out sunday or saturday or anytime really viewing. Prepare to relax+be amused.


7) The Watchmen A complete classic and also one I suspect most of you have seen. I guess in layman's terms this is X-Men with intellect, The Watchmen is adapted from the comic book of the same name. Set in an alternative 1985 with the cold war alive + well, a bunch of retired vigilantes begin to wonder why someone seems to have a rather nasty vendetta against them. Just amazing - script, cinematography, acting + soundtrack. If you like graphic novel adaptations (cf Sin City, V for Vendetta) you'll love the style on this one! Be warned, you need to stay awake + alert to follow the plot + slick lines.


8) 500 Days of Summer Aside from the fact that Zooey Deschanel is just so divine (also looks like my best bud!) this movie is a rom-com (yes that word again) that guys will like too. In fact this is one of the best first date movies ever, no sick bags required. Again with the low-fi this funny stylish little film gets right to heart of the eternal boymeetsgirlwhataboutthehappyeveryafter dilemma. Also worth seeing for Ms Deschanel's fabulous karaoke turn "sugar town...."


9) Eastern Promises A slick stylish gangster movie with a twist, this David Cronenberg thriller stars Viggo Mortensen, Vincent Cassel + Naomi Watts. Not for the faint hearted this film takes the viewer on an unflinching ride through the Russian mafia underworld, sex trafficking + the life of a Russian career criminal. With very strong scenes of (sexual) violence and excellent 'method' acting, this film is eye-opening and thought-provoking. Definitely worth watching if you also liked A History of Violence.


10) The Waitress and to finish, a little oddball comedy about a waitress in a small town trapped in a loveless marriage who begins a rather unlikely affair with her GP (played by Nathan Fillion cf Serenity). After falling pregnant to her abusive husband, she begins a diary documenting her life and her feelings about her baby. Constantly saving to escape, she enters a local pie-making competition and....well you'll have to watch the film for that. A lovely film without a cliched ending, this one will make you smile ruefully.


So that's it, that's my list. A little comedy, a little horror, a little art and a classic. There were so many other films I wanted to put on here - Eden Lake, Ma Vie En Rose, The Heartbreaker, Y Tu Mama Tambien, Strictly Ballroom, The Good Girl, American Psycho, Nick+Nora's Infinite Playlist..... All fabulous films and also worth seeing.


Love to know your thoughts on the list - please argue with me - and if I've inspired you to watch any of these! 


Thank you + good night


Stupidgirl has left the building


PS Thanks for all your amazing comments on my last post, I was so overwhelmed by these, really. I may post a little snippet or some more plot clues next month so do stay tuned!

Facing your fears and all that crap

So, let's just get right down to the point of this blog. I originally started it, way back when in 2009, as a way of encouraging myself to just please, do a little bit of writing, in the hope that I might eventually write an actual book.It would be good to keep the people off my back who have, since I was about 15, been asking me when I was going to write a book. To which my answer was always "Okay just because I love reading, does not make me a) able to write a whole book or b) even good at writing." as this paragraph neatly demonstrates.


However I figured, what if I wrote a book with the proviso that NO ONE EVER SAW IT. Cunning plan huh, write a book, stick it a desk drawer, mission accomplished. Who cares about whether it's readable or whether, if I kept going, my next book might be readable. 


Note - being readable is not the same as being published.......(cf vanity publishing)


So here we are a couple of years later, with a few blog posts under my belt, some lovely people who actually read this blog AND a nearly finished Nanowrimo novel. Hmph, well what about that then. I still can hardly believe it myself but the evidence is on my hard drive - 50k words of a VERY UNEDITED and PROBABLY CRAP  and DEFINITELY NOT commercially viable novel.


In fact that sentence holds the key to what holds me back as a writer - the words `commercially viable`. I think they probably make any author's heart sink to be honest and, having spent 5 years working for a major bookstore and then two of the biggest book publishers in this country, they make my heart sink too. 


My book is based on an idea that I love - and has characters that I love and who do unpredictable, crazy-ass things that were not in my book plan - but whether it'll fit neatly into the supermarkets top 50 is a WHOLE OTHER QUESTION. And not really one with a positive answer, I think. But I still keep on writing it under the premise that NO ONE WILL EVER SEE IT. 


Um, small confession; I have shown some snippets to some friends. I think this was easily the most terrifying thing I've ever done - more so than rock climbing. I have learnt that I am QUEEN OF ADVERBS (sorry is the capitalization annoying you...) and maybe I should cut some/all/99% of them.


But showing it to people made me think about whether, as  writer, am I really challenging myself and being the best writer I can be, if I am not putting my work out there for criticism and feedback? How am I going to develop myself and my style without this and also, by facing my fear and eek, showing my writing to people, isn't this helping me grow a little as a person too - to have a teeny tiny bit of self belief?


So in the name of sharing below is a small excerpt from a project I started (and stalled) working on early last year. I never plan to do anything with this, hence putting it on here. It is COMPLETELY unedited - there may be heinous typos but I make no apologies, this is my writing, warts and all, in public for the first time.


PS The inspiration for this post came from 2 other supercool bloggers: Julie C Gardner and Graffiti Living 'Please Don't Read My....'


Except From StupidGirl's Untitled Project - Feb 2010

“Our time together is running out.” My voice in the silent room makes her jump, “try to work with me on this, it can only help.” Every session to date has been the same. The flickering lights, the chewing of the lip, the sullen stare. No amount of pleading, logical reasoning or brutal imagery has caused her to speak. Shocking events can cause involuntary muteness. But I do not feel this to be the case with her. She is deliberately holding back and, at times, I feel as if she is waiting for me to say the correct word or sentence and suddenly her long held silence will be unlocked.

I gather my papers and the clippings together. It is almost the end of the appointment and I can see that, yet again, we are going to get nowhere today. I could simply copy and paste my notes each session; such is the lack of change each time.  And then something happens that makes this one session different.

Looking back, it seems almost funny that something so simple could trigger such events. But isn’t that always the case – butterflies wings and thunderstorms as they say.  I bent down to grab my brown leather satchel and as I did so, some trick of the wind outside caused the crows flying past to caw and rasp loudly. My patient speaks “One for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl and four for a boy,” she intones solemnly, her voice raspy and low from lack of use.  At this point, after hitting my head on the desk in shock at hearing her voice, I am sat bolt upright, scrabbling for the digital recorder.

“Five for silver, six for gold, seven for a secret never to be told.”

Oversharing or, 25 things you didn't really need to know about the author of this blog

So, seeing as I have some actual followers out there - including some who actually don't even know me and are following me out of the goodness of their hearts - I thought I would do a little "guide to the world and life of stupidgirl45".


So, where to start? 
Well first, I always like to give you guys something handy to look at, so here is a recipe for one of my favourite dishes - it's my ultimate comfort food. Red Prawn + Mango Curry - one of my best friends first cooked this for me one night before we went out clubbing and guess what, it tasted great at 3am when we got in.


anyway enough with the procrastinating and tootling around on twitter/FB/foruming


Back to the 25 things. I kind of cheated with this one, it's actually from a note on facebook, but, I thought it said quite a lot about me. And it's not one of those boring "my favourite icecream/car/colour/MP" lists. The 25 facts are just me. In fact form. Handy huh - like a cut-out-and-keep-guide. 


So go ahead, cut-out-and-keep-me:


1. I'm deaf  - with a small 'd', I wear hearing aids in both ears and have around 45% hearing without them. Yes I lipread, yes I can tell when people are swearing on the tellybox, no I can't come and sit with you and tell you what those people over there are saying.


2. I've sung on a broadway stage with sting 
3. I buy shoes  - asking for a reason is like asking why I breathe.
Here is a picture of one of my favourite pairs of shoes, they are red and sparkley!

4. I peel the skin off my feet, even when it bleeds - sorry I know it's gross. And I only do this when I am very stressed out. 
5. I'm scared of spiders and snakes and heights and the dark. 
6. I'd rather be too cold than too hot 
7. I am a body facist - but only about myself not other people 
8. I once gave a presentation (that counted towards my degree) on pornographic ancient greek pottery. I didn't get a good mark. 
9. Peanut butter, gin, cauliflower, brussels sprouts and meat on the bone make me gag. 
10. I arrange my books by mood 
11. I get cravings to hear particular songs the way some people get food cravings 
12 I see numbers as colours with personalities. Maybe that makes me either mad or a genius or both 
13. I have webbed toes - this does not help me swim better though, sadly

14. To give me confidence when I'm out, I think WWMMD - What Would Marilyn Monroe Do.... 
15. My imaginary friends were called Scoggles + GooGoo, I was 5. I used to call them on my toy telephone. 
16. I love being tall and then wearing really high heels, who says tall women can't wear f*ck me shoes 
17. When I was 17 I was offered a job as a dominatrix
18. If I could be a tv character I'd be Jessica from True Blood. She looks like this:

 
19. The most important lesson I ever learned is to be happy with what you have and accept the choices you've made. 
20. My role models are Boudicca, Madonna, Germaine Greer, Margaret Atwood and my grandmother who all kick ass. 
21. Outside of my husband, I love my friends more than anything. Some of them read this blog. They know who they are.
22. Sweet Child of Mine is the song I most listen to when I'm getting ready to go out. I really wanted to walk down the aisle to it but didn't have the guts. I regret this.
23. If you haven't done fancy dress properly as an adult, you haven't lived. 
24. I;ve been told I look like Amy Winehouse, Nigella Lawson, Kate Winslet , Madonna, Erin O'connor and Cher. I still think I'm ugly most of the time.
25. Illegitimi non carborundum is my motto, If you dont know what it means, I pity you.


Hope you liked what you read. 


Thank you and good night.


Stupidgirl has left the building

As one door closes another opens? Well something like that anyway...

Okay so I am just going to brazen it out and pretend like I've been blogging lots and there's not been a whole massive gap between now and the last post erm...

So to start - a good link for you from the Grauniad about, quelle surprise, fiction writing:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2010/feb/20/ten-rules-for-writing-fiction-part-one

'pologies if you've already seen this on twitter but I thought it was very good/funny/depressing/honest

Key tips for me included never opening with the weather or over doing the exclamation points (thanks Elmore Leonard). General tips on the mechanics of writing such as using pencils and paper but at a push wood, or even your arm will do as well as using a nail file as a rudimentary pencil sharpener (thanks Margaret Atwood)

Good tips also from Roddy Doyle "Do, occasionally, give in to temptation. Wash the kitchen floor, hang out the washing. It's research"

And also The first 12 years are the worst. - thanks Anne Enwright, but wouldn't you say that's a little optimistic for someone who's not written much more than a lengthy email since leaving uni (we'll come on to Nanowrimo shortly)

A final few tips from Neil Gaiman "laugh at your own jokes" - well I can tick that off the list then - Richard Ford "Don't have children, don't read reviews, don't write reviews, don't have arguments with your wife..."

.And last but not least, the award for best tip goes to AL Kennedy for this rather touching gem "Remember writing doesn't love you. It doesn't care. Nevertheless, it can behave with remarkable generosity. Speak well of it, encourage others, pass it on."

Now that's out of the way, I thought I'd do a little summation of 2010 for you, so you know where I am and what I've been up to!

1) Arcade Fire - best thing that has happened to my ears EVER. FACT. You need to buy The Suburbs now, this very second. Well, as soon as you finish reading this blog post

2) I got a new job. And apparently I'm good at it - or something. I won an award at a conference anyway. So ner to the last boring sucky job that made me cry . A LOT.

3) Twitter - how did I live without sending witty, literary, imaginative retorts and thoughts out to my (yikes) 200+ followers. Or at least, bombarding many poor unfortunate strangers with my innermost thoughts on a minute-by-minute basis. But srsly, I have spoken to so many very lovely people via twitter and most importantly, gotten RT'd by Margaret Atwood no less, about library campaigning! This leads me on to....

4) I wrote something and someone put it on their website yippee! Ahem, more accurately, I wrote a little something about why my library is so important to me. You can read it at http://www.voicesforthelibrary.org.uk/wordpress/?p=791

Please do support your library and campaign to keep them open and funded

5) Rock climbing - I'm still going on this one, even though I am farking terrified of heights. But I climbed in the Alps last summer so well worth it. I plan to try karate this year. Lara Croft will have nothing on me

6) Nanowrimo - I actually wrote 50k words in one month. They are in serious need of editing and um, actually finishing of the book, but hey, I did it. Although I do appear to be QUEEN OF THE ADVERB. Seriously.

That's all for the highlights of 2010 so I'll leave you with this years resolutions:

1) Finish book

2) Edit book

3) Think about sending book to agents

4) Turn 30 (in July, presents can be purchased at Tiffany or at your local bookstore, either is good)

5) Attend a belly dance class

6) Attend a karate class

7) Learn to knit (needles + wool purchased, casting on not going so well)

8) Write my blog on a semi-weekly basis

9) Sound more intelligent on twitter

10) Maintain appropriate levels of cake + chocolate intake to ensure maximum happiness

Thank you + goodnight, stupidgirl has left the building

xx