No Filters

During my month off Facebook it's been refreshing to revel in my relative slovenliness and slummy mummy self. I've not felt any pressure (outside of my own drive and desire) to look good, cook well, be a domestic goddess and/or indulge in pinterest worthy levels of good parenting.

That's not to say everything's gone to pot but when social media constantly enables my co-dependent self to grade me as NGE (not good enough) without it I was happy to just relax and maintain my own less than photogenic but still acceptable standards in style, domestic drudgery and parenting.

Far be it from me to denigrate Facebook, Twitter and others of their ilk - I love social media - but it does enable everyone to display their life through a filter.

So in true overly ambitious style I want to try to blog every day this month under the theme #nofilter. So from the state of my eu mountain of dirty laundry,  my less than stylish outfits, dinners closer to the 1970s than 2015 and my slightly slack parenting - it'll all be aired on here.

My point is, we're not doing anyone,  least of all ourselves any favours by displaying our lives as if they were a spread in Elle Deco.  Setting unattainable standards for our lifestyles and choices only makes our quest for happiness and satisfaction even harder.  You could go down the avenue of how we're really just playing into the hands of the marketeers who want us to instagram ever more lunch pictures and stylish status updates so that we feel like if we just achieve that perfect holiday location/recipe/outfit we'll gain the recognition we seek via likes, pins and favourites. 

But as I say, I don't want to take that cynical viewpoint.  I think it's more just about trying to show our truest selves with the filters off that exposes us and our humanity.  To try to live in the moment more instead of seeking the most instagrammable version of it. After all, maybe the laundry simply isn't getting done because I'm too busy tweeting pictures of baby45 requesting his retro darth vader pajamas in true humble brag style.

So I'm not at all confident I'll maintain a week's worth of blogging let alone a month but far be it from me not to share highlights of my day with you all such as baby45 barging into the toilet because he wants to "see the wee coming out mummy". You're looking forward to this now aren't you.. .

Thank you and goodnight

Stupidgirl has left the building

Giving Up Facebook

So I'm giving up Facebook for a month, starting from tonight. I know, how will I cope, I hear you ask? I am a fully paid up FB addict - always on chat/commenting/liking/sharing/posting and notifying the world of my (or more like Baby45's) every bowel movement.

Why am I giving it up? Well, I think it is taking up too much of my time. I haven't blogged regularly for almost two years now - and yes, the small toddler shaped hole in my time is partially responsible but also, I haven't gotten anywhere with this year's Nanowrimo book that I've written 4k of. However mostly it's because there are a lot of people - off and on Facebook - that I've not properly maintained an "IRL" relationship with for some time now - even years in some cases.

I think Social Media - and Facebook in particular - has made me sloppy when it comes to friendships. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be without my LNMC crew and my other friends on chat and Facebook who have gotten me through the changes of the last few years. No, it's more that I feel I am not giving enough or doing enough with those friends who - understandably - don't just want to be broadcast to.

I feel a little like I'm saying, let's not chat properly about what's happening, just go check out my facebook page - you can see what Baby45 had for lunch, that I shared several "totes cray cray" Buzzfeed lists and a blurry selfie. Wow, scintillating isn't it. I'm arrogantly assuming that people are just that interested.Where is the depth to the relationships, how am I giving something back? A quick "happy birthday lovely xxx" on a wall doesn't replace a card, a gift, a coffee or a call. Instead it just shows that Facebook reminded me.

I am exaggerating a touch here, I greatly value the convenience of Facebook to keep in touch with friends and family across the world, to contribute to groups where I can help other mums, to arrange parties and playdates. But this is a wake up call to me to really cherish the people who are important to me in 2014 - and beyond.  And by that I don't mean a quick mass BCC email tomorrow saying "let's me up for a coffee" and that being all.

No, this year, there will be coffees, cocktails, playdates, swim classes, picnics, parties, day trips but also long emails, phone calls and even, letters. Proper birthday cards and catch ups. I don't expect to just pick up where I left off with friendships, they'll need to built back up again, that takes time. But hopefully without Facebook taking up so much time, I'll be able to do that.

Thank you and goodnight,

Stupidgirl has left the building x

Didn't You Get The Memo?...Top 10 Newbie Blogger Tips

So I thought I'd try something new on here. I'm not normally all that good with change but, after having a few days off and then coming back to a wonderful reception to my post last night, I wanted to give you guys some more (hopefully decent) content.

I try to give back and share as much as possible, so this post is about all the stuff I wish I'd known back in January. If you're an experienced blogger you'll probably know most of the below - but there might be some good links for you! After the tips there are also a couple of questions that I got asked earlier today about blogging. And remember, if you've got tips to share or other questions to ask please post them in the comments part.

Tip One - Don't expect to get it right first time.
This applies to content, blog layout, lots of followers, jargon, gadgets, the lot!
It took me a little while to tweak my blog layout to just how I wanted it and to add the gadgets I wanted. Not all of them are suitable when you're just starting out IMO anyway - I didn't want to set up a Facebook page in the first week, when about 2 people were reading my blog - and one of them was my mum. Make sure that when you do add gadgets they are relevant to your blog as well.
PS By gadget I mean the stuff on your blog that's not the actual writing - like top 10 posts, archives, pictures, links, blog rolls etc

Also take the time to figure stuff out in the early days - you probably won't have that many viewers, so it won't matter if you muck up a couple of times! There's so much helpful advice out there - take it. I would particularly recommend (as ever) Novel Publicity for their advice on blog layouts, using social media and how to set up FB pages. Check it out!

Be kind to yourself - there's no one watching you or judging you - your blog is your domain and what you say goes! Which brings me on to......

Tip Two - Be Yourself
Don't write for other people, write for you and what you're interested in. Easier said than done I know. I was really scared when I started blogging, I thought WTF am I doing this for (see here)  - there are so many bloody bloggers out there, yes really! but I kept going (see here) because wow, people started reading the blog - and commenting - and asking me stuff. So I realised that there was an audience for my writing and that other bloggers were not the enemy - we're all unique. So keep writing - someone out there will like it. I found it helpful to write a set of rules for the blog, to remind me - and my readers - what I was all about. And maybe it was a bit silly, but I wanted to have a little integrity on my blog - after all, I bare my soul on here to thousands of people, all over the world.

Tip Three - Play Nicely
Okay, repeat after me....Read...aaaaand SHARE. Read....aaaand SHARE
You know when someone sends you a funny link and you just have to share it? Well the same goes for blogging and links and cool websites. Share. A lot. All the time. This is kind of the point of blogrolls - a way of showing other blogs that you're into, but for me, I try to regularly do shout outs in my posts of cool sites, places I've been to, books/blogs I've read, music/films etc - you get the picture. It's about sharing the love. Also what you like doesn't have to be hugely popular. I love giving newbie bloggers a shout out on my blog - because established bloggers have done it for me. It's kind of pay-it-forward in blogging. On the plus side, if you do mention someone - let them know - sometimes they'll link to your blog on a tweet or even, their blog. However this is not the main reason to do this.

I also like to read + follow lots of other blogs - just because I am truly fascinated by other people. I read a wide assortment of blogs - from management to weddings to campaigning to writing to climbing....and I love it. I feed off this information. And it reminds me to stay true to what I do as well. So once again.....read...aaaand SHARE!

Breathing In - Word of The Week

Inspiration n: Stimulation of the mind or emotions to a high level of feeling or activity Ety: c.1300, "immediate influence of God or a god," especially that under which the holy books were written, from O.Fr. inspiration, from L.L. inspirationem (nom. inspiratio), from L.inspiratus, pp. of inspirare "inspire, inflame, blow into," from in-"in" + spirare "to breathe" (see spirit)

(Listen to this whilst you read this post - I wrote this post listening to it)

There is a lot of talk about inspiration being something that `hits` you. That comes out of the blue and kind of, clonks you on the head - a `lightbulb` moment. That's not really how it feels to me. 

Inspiration to me is a state of being. It's an emotion or a state where my head and my heart and everything in my body is aligned perfectly. I feel every bit of oxygen in my body, that my blood is flowing smoothly, that my eyes are open wider, that my ears are listening more keenly and that I am receiving knowledge with every cell of my being. I guess it is akin to a religious experience. I feel that I am my truest self in that moment and so anything I produce - be it writing, blogging, cooking, climbing, talking - is my most honest creation. 

In the movie Stigmata, Patricia Arquette's character is possessed and she quotes from the new testament "the Kingdom of God is inside you, and all around you, not in mansions of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood... and I am there, lift a stone... and you will find me." 

I'd never heard these words before and they stuck with me. I'm not a religious person but I try to find beauty everywhere, even in the most unlikely places. And that, to me, is inspiration - it's everywhere, you only have to open yourself to seeing it.

Can you hear me calling?....Word of the Week

(Vocation n: Specified occupation/a special urge, inclination, or predisposition to a particular calling or career, esp a religious one. Etym: from Latin vocātiō  a calling, from vocāre  to call)

This week's WoTW has been a bit of a slippery fish for me to blog about. It's taken awhile for all my thoughts around Vocation to percolate into some kind of coherent thought and statement about how I feel about `a calling to write`. To give you a heads up, I think this post will be a little more introspective about how I came to write and what drives me. I hope that maybe, in some small way, this resounds with you (my amorphous audience out there) and encourages you with your writing. I shall begin....

I can't say for sure that my desire to write is a calling along the lines of a religious calling, of taking vows and committing to a particular belief or faith *but* I do think that wanting to write, having that burning compulsion to craft or make something from the thoughts in your head requires a faith in something invisible but nevertheless very real and *there* in much the same way that those of a religious calling put their faith in god.

But yet this calling to write is such a fickle siren song for me - it takes so much out of me and gives so little back sometimes. It drives me on to continue putting words and thoughts and feelings onto paper, onto my blog, into my PC, to tweet and facebook and chat to other people endlessly about their writing and reading and blogging. I'm not sure where this drive first came from - I guess it was a song in my heart and head that beckoned me, tempted me, even as a child to put words down on paper.

I loved to read from a young age, to disappear into new worlds, to travel to far flung places from the safety of my playroom (yes, I had a playroom...) so it came as no surprise to anyone, least of all me, that I loved to write as a child. But then I stopped....and I'm not sure why. And I'm not sure how, nearly 20 years later I came to reclaim that cast aside pen and paper and return to the simple process of , well, writing!

I dabbled in poetry as a teenager (didn't we all), I started, fitfully the odd story or idea in my head but then I just ground to halt. I lost all belief in my own abilities as a writer - I told myself that I was worthless, the poems were worthless, there was no point. It was a futile endeavour and best I gave it up now before everyone else could see what a failure I was. But still well into my late teens and early 20's, that siren song to write kept calling me from inside my heart.

Unfortunately, other people seemed to be able to hear it as well. If I had a pound for every time someone - friends, family, work colleagues, total strangers - has asked me if I'm writing a book, when am i going to write a book, am I published yet - well I could fund the libraries myself. So clearly out there, somewhere that siren song is now audible about my person.

I guess, sometime around 2009 I thought `fuck it` and started to give in and swim across to the siren's rock. What if I have a go at this writing *thing*. I just got so fed up with dancing to the same tune, it was time to write to a new one. As I have blogged earlier this year, I dipped my toe in the water by starting this blog for a few months. But then again I doubted myself and I cast my writing aside. Fear of failure yet again preventing me from creating anything much at all.

I trundled on, I got married, I changed jobs - and with my job, I discovered a new me. Yes! I could be creative. Yes! I had ideas - and they may be daft - but they were ideas - and from daftness can, sometimes, come gold. It was as if something had come unstoppered in my head. Where had these ideas come from - this part of my brain that clearly, had lain dormant for years and years. I had denied myself my creative streak and for what reason - nothing at all.

So finally, last november, those `feathery maniacs`, the sirens in my head sang loudly and clearly - and this time I was proud to hear their song -and to sing along with it. I have my 50k of novel, I have this blog - which you people are reading, so I must be doing something right. I think perhaps maybe, I should take pride in the fact that I have this song in my head and in my heart - and this time, I'm listening to it with my whole self.

Thank you and good night

Stupidgirl has left the building

This Much I Know Is True - An interview with Ren

Hey everyone, happy Friday! As ever it's interview time and tonight I'm sitting on my virtual l-shaped sofa with steampunk author @rencummins. We're having sushi tonight - not pizza, gotta vary the diet - and drinking stout (Ren) and pink fizz (me). We are listening to music as well (unlike last week) - and seeing as I detest Coldplay (Ren's first choice) instead we've got the Tron soundtrack playing as it's by the gods that are Daft Punk (which we both like) Tonight's interview is a little bit longer than normal, but it's a good 'un so grab a drink + snack + enjoy the show!

A little background for you, Ren lives in Washington state, with his wife and one daughter, two dogs and one cat. He grew up wanting to be Spiderman, but eventually settled into the much more realistic careers of musician and writer. He likes to indulge in the occasional video game, book or philosophical speculation and he’s generally up for a decent cup of coffee, and doesn’t mind if it’s from Starbucks!

Me: Right, lets start with a toughie! What is the best piece of advice you've ever been given? 
Ren: Okay....during my last semester at college I met with my department counsellor/English lecturer, who, in one of the first classes I'd had with him, had taken great delight in kicking me in the philosophical testicles . In spite of my dread, we had a very transformative meeting as he asked me point blank what I hoped to gain from an English Education. He told me that he knew I could write, and I had points of view, and was very skilled at storytelling... but the only remaining element, was in having sufficient life experiences to draw from. And those, he pointed out, you don't have to rack up tremendous school loans for. He told me if I was truly determined to be a writer, the best thing I could do was get out and live my life. I don't think this advice is for everyone, but for me, it forced me to really face my relative indecision about what I was going to do with the rest of my life.

Me: That makes a lot of sense - good advice indeed....but what originally made you start writing? 
Ren: Well, I originally wanted to be a comic book illustrator but as it turned out, I wasn’t that good at it . But the stories, the modern epic mythos of those characters really started me on that path of storytelling from an early age. Spiderman, the X-men, Batman, Green Lantern – I loved those characters and all the exceptional adventures and dramas in which they were engaged just remember reading those and thinking, “wow, someday I want to tell a story like that.”

Me: Ah okay, books are just so inspiring, but I like that it was comic books that got you going. I can see where the steampunk style you write in comes from now. For the benefit of our readers though, could you explain a little bit about what the steampunk genre is?
Ren: There's a lot of debate as to whether or not "steampunk" is actually a genre or not. Some people imply that it’s actually a lifestyle or a sub-genre or a stylistic template for storytelling. I personally see it as a setting flavor for books and music and art and fashion and movies, etc. To really understand the essential foundation of steampunk, you need to break it down into its etymological origins. All these many “-punk” terms came from the sense of “rebellion against the machine” which emerged in the late 1970s and early 1980s. You had Cyberpunk first, as a classification of cybernetics and punk rebellion to describe the resistance to becoming part of the information network, building on the fears of loss of individuality and that sort of basic human response to the information age. But Steampunk takes that a step further, treating mankind’s more industrial tendencies with far more reverence and painting the more earthy stylization of construction and “the machine” with a much more elegant brush.

For further explanation, I’d recommend Matt Delman’s wonderful discussion over on Doctor Fantastique’s Show of Wonders – Matt is the managing editor for Flying Pen Press’ Steampunk & Co. imprint, and he truly knows his stuff.

Me: Wow, thanks - that's really interesting - readers, I encourage you to click on the link for more! Let's now have a slightly easier question - What is your favourite book?
Ren: It’s a tie between “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran and “The Tao of Pooh” by Benjamin Hoff. They both literally changed my life. If you’ve read either one, you know what I’m talking about here. "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman is very solid, too, which also managed to inspire some ideas for a future series of books. But more about that another time. *chuckle*


Me: That brings me neatly back to asking you about your writing - what do you love (or hate) about the actual process of getting words on the page?
Ren: Oh, it’s very much a love/hate relationship. I’ve got a biorhythm that works with the writing in a very organic way. When I feel my mood dropping into the “craptastic” realm , it’s usually because I’m about ready to write and write and write. And that part can be rather annoying. Sometimes, I’m not so much “writing” as I am “taking dictation” – but those are the good times. Other times, I have to wrestle the words onto the page. I don’t mind that so much, but it can be exhausting. The side I think I’m less of a fan of with respect to writing is that it tends to be such a solitary process. Muses, brainstorming sessions and critical interactions aside, the actual process of writing is just me and the page for long hour after long hour. That part can be fairly challenging; not just for me, but for the other people in my life.

Me: That's interesting and I really agree with you about the challenges it can pose for other people in your life. Following on neatly from what you were saying above - what is the nicest thing you have done?
Ren: I try to be conscientious of others; I let people merge etc but I think those are just manners, you know? One thing I’m bearing in mind at the moment is that I’m stepping into that crazy and mysterious realm where writing stops being just a hobby and starts being my actual job; and I remember how hard it’s been to get to this point. In light of the present fears flooding the publishing industry, working together is going to be far more productive than working against each other. So perhaps this sense of responsibility isn’t entirely selfless, but I also can’t ever allow myself to be blind to the reality that we never truly get what we sincerely desire all on our own. Thus, we not only need help, but we must be that help for others.

Me: And.....(picks question from box of random questions on floor) what is your favourite song?
Ren: Though this kind of changes from week to week and day to day (and moment to moment), the ones that are consistently in the top however-many would be “If I ever lose my faith in you” by Sting, “Clocks” by Coldplay and “the 1812 Overture” by Tchaikovsky . Oh, and “Imagine” by John Lennon.

Me: Interesting mix there - I'm not sure what I expected though Second to last question now...what really annoys you?
Ren: Styrofoam , People who speed up, pull in front of me and then slow down, People who get mad at customer service people – especially right before I need to talk to them about something, Oh, and taking a drink from what I think is hot coffee only to find that it’s since grown cold. Ew! Finally, people who write on their hands. I don’t know why, but this totally messes with my head.

Me: And finally, what do you know to be true about life?
Ren: (laughs) Wow, this is a tough question for a guy who borders on the edge of agnosticism. I hope a lot, and I try to be a good man, but in the end I try to focus on family and friends and in doing the right things in life. After all is said and done, it’s really the only thing we have any actual power over, so we might as well step up and do our best. I focus on the life we have right now and not waste the precious time worrying about what may happen later. Which is perhaps a very strange admission to make, considering that my current novels are about life and death and the immortality of the soul.

I believe that there is something to be learned from every person you ever meet, and to walk away from any social interaction (especially the significant ones) without learning that truth makes for a wasted opportunity. Perhaps one of the biggest struggles that most people seem to face is in waiting for the universe to tell them what to do; sometimes what the universe requires of us is to make up our minds; to have enough faith in ourselves to step out into that uncertainty and be brave enough to keep walking until we get additional information..

Me: Wow thanks for all your well thought out answers, you've been an amazing interviewee. Really thought provoking. Let's head off to the pub now!

If you're interesting in finding out more about Ren + what he's up to check out his professional website at www.renwritings.com and blogs at http://anachronology.blogspot.com You can also find him on twitter - @rencummins and Facebook.


That's all for today but don't forget to check back on Sunday for Top 10 Poems and a photo essay on monday!


Thank you and goodnight


Stupidgirl has left the building