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The road spread out before us like a big grey vein, I want to lie down on it and snort the lines up into the back of my head and out of my eyes like one huge trip. The sea goes past on one side and the cliff face on the other. The sun is bright across the windscreen and the music is loud and I feel alive like I haven’t for so long. I’ve done it, I’ve run away.
The past recedes behind me, swallowed up in miles of tarmac, a physical distance between those who love me and those who I love. I am caught in the middle in some extreme battle of wills and desire and fire like a light spearing down inside of me. I am caught and thrashing on the bait hook of my freedom. It catches in my belly and I smile and gasp with the pleasure in pain.
A finger on my arm and goose bumps track up to my neck and down the nerve ending in my back and my skin crawls towards my passenger. Repulsion and compulsion together, magnetic poles never together never apart.
I’ll confess, I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m an unreliable narrator in my own life. I don’t know what I believe or what’s the truth, what I want or really feel. I’m fickle and skittish with feet of clay. Resistant to change but fighting the cage of domesticity around me, a gilded cage trapping me in my own lies. My duplicity astounds me and I am spinning, spun out on my own lies and deceit. The suitcase I packed, innocent in the boot, my bag in the footwell next to me.
And now here we are, the car parked in some alley way, following a man up a crumbling flight of stone steps. The smell of beer and piss and drains and fat made solid around us as we head towards a bar, a bed, some silence for the voices in my head.
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Thank you and goodnight,
Stupidgirl has left the building
I love fictional blog posts. This is really cool. Can feel the emotion in it You write really well!! Enjoyed the read thanks! xx
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, that's so kind of you :) It means a lot :) x
DeleteI was really drawn in by this. Your writing is poetic in how it is formed and I really like it. I would be really interested to read more of this. Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo :) x
ReplyDeleteWow, I'm really touched you say that, hopefully I will have the confidence to keep going. I've written about 6k words so far.....
DeleteBeautiful post. I love your writing style. Interested to read more #pocolo
ReplyDeleteThank you very much, I appreciate your comment :) x
DeleteI wonder if this is a prologue... It tells me lots, yet not much (which is good, in a prologue.) I am thinking, is this not what it seems?
ReplyDeleteHah, I don't know what it is but I've got 6k words of it LOL. I think it is the prologue though.....Thanks :)
ReplyDelete