- I thought Baby45 would be late, that I'd be induced, that I'd be in labour FOREVER, that labour would be agony, that I'd know when I was ready to go to hospital, that I'd need an epidural/a c-section/intervention/stitches/shit myself.
- I thought I'd maybe breastfeed for a bit. I thought it was pretty gross but you know, needs must.
- I thought that we'd be sleepless/sleep deprived for a bit. But then he'd start sleeping through. Because apparently babies do. I also thought I understood what sleep deprived and tired meant and that they were one and the same.
- I thought I would be fine when Baby45 moved into his own room and out of ours. I thought he would sleep in his own bed.
- I thought baby carrying looked like fun but buggies were where it's at.
- I thought I would be a die-hard BLWer* and if not I would make lovely healthy purees packed full of nutrients and veggies and organic produce.
- I thought my house would be tidy, the laundry done and dinner ready. I thought I'd give a shit about these things (I can hear you laughing from here)
- I thought that I could put Baby45 down in one place and he'd stay there and amuse himself whilst I blogged/tided/cooked.
- Baby45 was in a hurry to get here, arrived 2 weeks early, he was tiny despite my massive bump, I did it all without any pain relief (but I did picture rock climbing routes to get me through), I had no stitches, did not shit myself but am in no great hurry to do it ever again. I should say that I cry when I stub my toe. I also nearly had him at home (accidently!).
- We are still breastfeeding at nearly a year old. I have breastfed on the tube, the bus, the train (do TfL do some sort of Brownie badge for feeding on all forms of transport?). I have fed in the pub, numerous cafes, at the climbing wall, on hikes, in estate agents, at networking events, on the toilet, in a job interview and in GAP changing rooms.
- Baby45 has not taken to BLW as much as this mummy would like. He has had more food from pouches than I would like (hi there Auntie Ella). He has also had cake, biscuits, ice cream, chips and juice. And also Petit Filous. Which in some parenting circles is viewed as on a par with giving your child crack.....He has also eaten pesto, ciabatta, prawns, chilli, linguine, blueberries, lemon, aubergine and tortelloni (he also reads the guardian too....)
- I have cleared up more poo than I could ever have imagined. But I don't mind. Despite needing a hazmat suit. Once it's cleaned up, there's a lovely pink bottom to kiss. And nothing beats kissing a pink baby bottom. Except maybe baby feet.
- Sleep. Lack of. Only provided in blocks of 2hours for the first say, 7 months of Baby45's life. He has slept through twice. Well, he has slept 7-7 twice. Sleeping through is considered sleeping 12-5. Which he has not done that often. This is why you sleep so much as a teenager. To store up sleep to be used up when you have a baby. I have not had a full night's sleep since I think March 2012. Being pregnant isn't conducive to sleeping through either. Someone is usually jumping on your bladder. From the inside.
- Electric sockets, cleaning products and dirty nappies....are the bestest most fun toys in Baby45's universe. Even though we seem to own every Lamaze/FisherPrice toy known to man - all aimed to stimulate his tiny brain and produce the next Einstein. I'm not sure I want Baby45 to be the next Einstein. By all accounts he wasn't the happiest guy on earth.
*BLW - Baby Led Weaning
PS My writing is very rusty. I apologise for this. I am forcing myself to write in the hope that it'll ease up a bit and then I might actually work on a larger project (which is not in any way a novel. no. it is not. and if it is. it does not involve breastfeeding.)