Diamonds and Dysons - My Happiness Non Negotiables

When I was tasked to write about my happiness non-negotiables, I thought it would be easy, but I ended up thinking more about `why` certain things made me happy - what they did that made me actually "happy" and content - why they had the innate power to do so.

I'm not sure what I, as someone with intermittent depression and panic disorder, even mean by happiness. Even at my most depressed, I have experienced happiness or joy. If material objects make us happy, does that mean someone with "nothing" (eg latest gadget, expensive handbag, gig tickets) is not happy. Is happiness a state of being - does it mean being "not-sad" or does it mean "content"? 

If it means the opposite of sad - "not-sad"- does that mean that rather than being elated with our life it more about being "satisfied" or content with our lot in life - whether that be a 40 bedroom mansion or mud hut? It's often said that money can't buy happiness, but it certainly makes life much easier and can reduce worries leaving a person "not sad".  I guess, for this post, I went with what keeps me on an even keel and helps me enjoy the good things in my life. whether I'm simply content, or euphoric at times.

Let's assume that we know that the basics are covered - food/water, shelter/safety, good health. Those are standard requirements and in any context or time in my life, have not caused me worry - thus creating a feeling of "not sad". Ditto with books, music, good relationships and good food/wine - things that nourish the soul, regardless of how much they change within my lifetime - the books that make me happy as an adult, would not have made me happy aged 5. 

So then, what are my happiness non negotiables and what have they got to do with vacuums and jewellery. They break down into 3 main areas.

An Evening in the Life of an Amateur Blogger

5:30pm

Collect child from childcare. Reply to incessant babble whilst trying to retain that evening's blog idea in your head and planning out post structure. Bribe with jaffa cakes Organix gingerbread men for some peace and quiet.

6pm

Shovel dinner into child. Whilst yoghurt is being lavishly spread across your kitchen floor, tidy and prepare dinner to enable you to eke out an hour of gossiping on social media blogging.

7pm

Read 675,984 bedtime stories, including The Cat in the fucking Hat, 6 times - end up feeling slightly stoned. Sing lullabies in a rapid whisper whilst checking Twitter to see which linkys you should be doing today. Try to remember which old posts you can rehash for these and also blogpost planned on the way home. 

7:30pm

Realise child is asleep and you're sitting in the dark whispering to yourself - use ninja moves to sneak out. Bung dinner in the microwave and grab wine and laptop, only to discover darling child has switched on airplane mode and hidden all your icons. Fuckitty fuck. Also, low battery, where is the cocking charger?

8pm

OH home, dish up dinner, offer perfunctory chat and affection whilst also figuring out how to fix laptop, remember linkys *and* blog post idea. Find charger behind nappy bin/in change bag/under buggy (delete as applicable).

8:30pm

Finally sit down with laptop and wine - thank christ. Open twitter, facebook, and blog. Immediately get sucked into black hole of chatting. Try to remind self of blog homework but instead continue discussion about latest TV hunk on twitter, cc'ing in said TV hunk via his twitter handle.

8:45pm

Remember what you're supposed to be doing and begin writing! Tweet loudly and gleefully about this. Get side tracked by linky admin. Feel irrationally annoyed when you're the 167th post on a linky which is the linky equivalent of being sent to Coventry. Vow to be organised. Google "blog organisation" and "social media strategy" and "pro-blogging". 

9:30pm

Blog post complete, yay! Fortify self for tedious task of link insertion/link checking, uploading images, appropriate tags and other thankless editing tasks with chocolate and more wine. Consider gin but think best not to mix on a school night after brief discussion on - where else - Twitter.  

10pm

Pimp post across social medias. Wonder if Mumsnet/Netmums/Tots100/ ParentDish feel very unspecial when you copy them all into the same tweet. Fill up entire timeline on Facebook and Twitter with links to new post. Fail to remember Hootsuite password. Feel annoyed you cannot schedule link to new post at 3am for people up nightfeeding. Because it's just what they need.....

10:10pm

Your mother tweets you "WHY TWEETING LINK LOTS ALL OVER PLACE". Feel ashamed of shameless self-promotion. Drink more wine and wonder if tonight's post is the one that will have The Huff Post, The Guardian *and* Red magazine emailing to commission you.  Distract self with blog stats instead.

10:12pm 

Refresh blog stats

10:22pm

Refresh blog stats again

10:35pm

Refresh again. Small increase. Wonder if it's all worth it. Distract self by replying to backlog of comments. Wonder why some posts get more comments than others. Tell posts they are just as good as others. Consider perhaps lowering wine consumption as you are actually talking *to* your blog posts.

10:45pm

Yes - RTs/comments/likes! Even Mumsnet RT'd you, you feel like you've won the bastarding Pulitzer. Gabble away to all responses then retire to bed vowing to be more organised tomorrow, to plan blog posts, to schedule things and to dig out your Hootsuite password to enable this. You will be a pro-blogger, you will! 

11:15pm

In bed. Husband attempts conversation  You bat him away, there's still time to check twitter on your phone *and* get a couple of hours sleep before the baby wakes. And also, what was that other blog post idea you much write it down......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Unspecified middle of the night baby crying time am

Feed screaming baby. Check twitter. Realise you've put a massive typo in all your pimping out tweets. Wonder if you're really cut out for this. Resolve to drink less wine and worry about it all again tomorrow.....

Thank you and good night,

Stupidgirl has left the building

On not blogging and pleasure in failing.

Despite preaching about the importance of consistency in blogging eg: blogging regularly, to those who ask my advice on blogging, I obviously do not take my own advice. Well, in fairness I do blog consistently - but very sporadically. (Any Clueless fans, great word usage huh?)

But  it's not that I don't have ideas, and it's not that I don't have time - although I have a lot less time than pre-baby45. I just struggle to actually write. And when I do write, I'm just thinking of all the mistakes I'm making. Like:

• too many adverbs (4 alone in the above paragraphs)
• terrible punctuation and grammar (let's not even go there)
• boring topics (I'm in that no man's land of not A.N.Other Mummy Blogger but not a subject specialist)See, current events, mental health, parenting, social media. I flit, like a badly written butterfly.
• lack of multimedia (it's a pain in the ass to find pictures to illustrate concepts sometimes and then also, if I do design my own jpeg, it takes forever and then I just ....oh you get the picture right?!)
• Waffling. Not the belgian edible kind. The going off on random tangents and forgetting the original point of the - Oh wait, where was i again?
• Lack of lists, snappy titles, not writing huge blocks of text. But also, I don't have a sub-editor so.....

So does any of this matter? How do I get the ideas for blogposts out of my head and onto my screen? 

In Which You Learn Useless Stuff About Me

I've changed a little in the 5 years since I started this blog.  I've gotten married, moved jobs 4 times, been made redundant twice, gotten pregnant, had a baby, moved out of London, completed Nanowrimo once and had several lengthy blog hiatuses. Here's me in 2009, 2011, 2012 + 2014!

I've done a couple of "about me" posts (here and here), but thought it was time for a new one - and a game of blog tag! I've tagged some bloggers that I love in this post. I challenge them to answer these questions too and, if they feel like it, do a picture collage covering the time they've been blogging. So here goes:

Giving Up Facebook

So I'm giving up Facebook for a month, starting from tonight. I know, how will I cope, I hear you ask? I am a fully paid up FB addict - always on chat/commenting/liking/sharing/posting and notifying the world of my (or more like Baby45's) every bowel movement.

Why am I giving it up? Well, I think it is taking up too much of my time. I haven't blogged regularly for almost two years now - and yes, the small toddler shaped hole in my time is partially responsible but also, I haven't gotten anywhere with this year's Nanowrimo book that I've written 4k of. However mostly it's because there are a lot of people - off and on Facebook - that I've not properly maintained an "IRL" relationship with for some time now - even years in some cases.

I think Social Media - and Facebook in particular - has made me sloppy when it comes to friendships. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be without my LNMC crew and my other friends on chat and Facebook who have gotten me through the changes of the last few years. No, it's more that I feel I am not giving enough or doing enough with those friends who - understandably - don't just want to be broadcast to.

I feel a little like I'm saying, let's not chat properly about what's happening, just go check out my facebook page - you can see what Baby45 had for lunch, that I shared several "totes cray cray" Buzzfeed lists and a blurry selfie. Wow, scintillating isn't it. I'm arrogantly assuming that people are just that interested.Where is the depth to the relationships, how am I giving something back? A quick "happy birthday lovely xxx" on a wall doesn't replace a card, a gift, a coffee or a call. Instead it just shows that Facebook reminded me.

I am exaggerating a touch here, I greatly value the convenience of Facebook to keep in touch with friends and family across the world, to contribute to groups where I can help other mums, to arrange parties and playdates. But this is a wake up call to me to really cherish the people who are important to me in 2014 - and beyond.  And by that I don't mean a quick mass BCC email tomorrow saying "let's me up for a coffee" and that being all.

No, this year, there will be coffees, cocktails, playdates, swim classes, picnics, parties, day trips but also long emails, phone calls and even, letters. Proper birthday cards and catch ups. I don't expect to just pick up where I left off with friendships, they'll need to built back up again, that takes time. But hopefully without Facebook taking up so much time, I'll be able to do that.

Thank you and goodnight,

Stupidgirl has left the building x

Generation Why Not Blog Awards 2011.....

So, I've gotten a fair few blogging awards this year and I thought it was time to give the love back!

I follow a whole bunch of blogs and tweeps - some of whom are very much deserving of an award for their fabulousness. If you have received an award, please feel free to stick the below image on your blog! If you want an email version, just shout... (well commenting below is actually probably more effective unless you live within shouting distance of me)

This Blog Is So Funny I Snorted Tea Out of My Nose Award: I Know, I Need To Stop Talking from the wonderful @pinkyaks

Most Useful for Anyone Who Writes Award: Novel Publicity and the amazing, inspiring and simply brilliant all round goddess that is @emlynchand

Best Champion of Bloggers + Tweeters: The incredibly wonderful and supportive @wilkravitz of the Vampire Wonderland blog who comments on all my blog posts and frequently recommends me to people. Come to London Billy, I'll buy you a beer!

#Guessthatchoon Champion: This was a tough one but the ultimate champion has to be @melancholieC for her encyclopedic music knowledge (that or extra fast ability with Google)

Most Inspiring Blogger Award: 
This was so hard to choose so I've ended up awarding it to DemonWrangling 101 for being simply amazing and inspiring and an amazing mum. Check out my interview with her here...
And also to Betty Herbert for writing a book that I didn't even realise how much I needed to read. And for being liberating and inspiring and honest about sex. Check out the book review here and the interview with Betty here...

Best Local Blogger Award: This goes to the ever glamorous, talented and articulate Siren of Brixton. Here's to lots more margaritas, parties, red lipstick and campaigning!

Best Campaigning Blog: Voices for the Library. For no other reason than being simply the best cause that I have ever had the pleasure of championing. Without my library I wouldn't be here, writing this blog. I might not even be around at all. Love your libraries folks. Save them and cherish them.

Best Blog Post of The Year Award: This hysterical post from none other than my genius baby sister who got all the looks, talent, brains and writing ability in the family. A hilarious piss take of what glamour models have to say about current affairs.

Overcoming Adversity Award: This has to go to @theotheralig of The Other Ali G blog for overcoming a horrid year with such style, humour and grace.

Congratulations folks, hope you like the award!

Thank you and good night

Stupidgirl has left the building

Becky's Book Review #6 - The 52 Seductions by Betty Herbert

Book: The 52 Seductions
Author: Betty Herbert
Genre: Relationships/Sex
Star Rating: 4/5

General Description:
You might remember, back in February, I interviewed a blogger called Betty Herbert. I'd found Betty Herbert after someone posted a link to her blog on the forum I belong to. Betty was blogging about sex in a long term relationship and the affect that being together for a long time can have on your sex life.

She'd been with Herbert, her other half for about 14 years - and married for awhile too - and is in her early 30's. As an experiment, they'd decided to seduce each other, once a week for a year - hence The 52 Seductions. I was absolutely captivated by her blog - her refreshing honesty, candour and humour as well as how much she and Herbert loved each other.

I wasn't surprised either to find out that her blog had come to the attention of a literary agency and was being turned into a book - hence this review. It's important to state that the book is not just a bind up of 52 odd blog posts, it's a coherent literary narrative describing one year in the sex life of a married couple. It's endearing, funny, rude, entertaining and just quite simply, wonderful.

Business Cards + Blog Awards - Shameless Self Promotion

I thought I'd attempt to end the week on a more light-hearted note....

Today, in the mail, I received a large sticky-taped package. I do like a large package (note to self, do not blog when - slightly - drunk, risk of rude remarks). Inside the package was something really very truly incredibly exciting (can you tell I've had 3 glasses of wine yet?). Oh yes, I didn't tell you guys this but around 2 months ago I, in my infinite wisdom decided two things:

• to get a logo designed for the blog
• to get business cards made up for the blog with said logo on

WTF I hear you cry, why do you, lowly bloggerette (gosh doesn't that look like cigarette) need business cards. Well Mr/Mrs/Ms  Smartypants, I need a business card because I keep going to events and wanting to blog about them and it's such a faff to write down my blog address for them - hence getting a funky logo + business cards designed.

So, with no further ado, here are pictures of said business card:

Hope you like them - the lips logo will be appearing on the blog soon :)

On another, self promoting note, I have rather uncharacteristically and immodestly nominated myself for the Cosmopolitan Magazine Blog Awards 2011. If you have, in anyway, enjoyed this blog - for whatever reason, I'd be so most incredibly grateful if you'd consider nominating me as well :)

The link is here

The category is lifestyle

And my blog address is http://generationwhynot-stupidgirl.blogspot.com

Please vote - I'll give you cake. Or at least virtual cake. And be grateful for the rest of my mortal life.

Thank you and good night

Stupidgirl has left the building

Scary Things - Blog Award Nominating...

So, rather scarily, I have nominated my blog for the Cosmo Blog Awards 2011.....

You can see lots of information about it all here

However (this is where the big favour part comes in)....I would so appreciate it if you would consider also nominating the blog - I know that I have a fair few readers so even if just a few of you nominated me that would be so awesome!

If you do want to go ahead and nominate me, here is a link to the form :)
I've put my blog under the category of `lifestyle` as that's where it seemed to fit best.

So okay, that my big scary request over with, here is lots of *cake* to say thanks in advance.

xxx

Those who *can*, teach - Word of the Week

(Teacher n:  one who teaches, Etym: from `Teach` to show, point out," also "to give instruction," from PreGermanic. *taikijanan cf. Old High German. zihan, Ger. zeihen "to accuse," Goth. ga-teihan "to announce")


So, er, this post is going to be a little bit dedicated to my husband. And to all the people who teach us - not just in school - but anywhere in life.


Last week, when I was (ahem) rock climbing in Dorset, it occurred to me how miraculous it was that I was, in fact, 18 metres above the sea, attached to a rope, balancing on the corner of a cliff edge with just my hands and feet. How on earth had husbando persuaded me to do this I wondered? 


And I wondered it again when I was 10 metres up another (seemingly) sheer cliff face. And again when we were on a 1 foot wide scrabbly, rocky, stinging nettle-y path with a drop down to the sea on one side. And also when I tripped over and pricked my finger on a bramble bush and might have burst into tears.


And then I realised how bloody amazing it was that I was doing all these amazing, cool, challenging things that I never, in a million years, thought I would ever be able to do. Especially given that I am terrified of heights. And bugs, and generally beings more than 2 mins from hot and cold running shops/coffee/water/civilisation.


So it got me thinking about how I've been able to do all this and who taught me to have the strength to do it. I know I've bl0gged about motivation before, but this post is more about the people or books or movies or songs or other things that have taught you do things you never thought you could do.


For example with the climbing and also writing, husbando has taught me, weirdly, to trust. He has taught me to trust him, that he won't leave me alone when I'm scared or give up on me when I've given up on me. He won't laugh at me when I look like an idiot or fuss about peeing outside. He didn't get cross when I had a full on tantrum half way up a rock face and called him an asshole He just stuck in there for the long run. 


It might sound sappy or naff but he's taught me what it means to love and trust someone - leading by example I guess. No matter how many times I want to give up my writing or climbing, he always tells me that I can do it, he has this unwavering belief in me. It's incredibly powerful. He's teaching me to believe in myself and my abilities - but also about loyalty and perseverance. 


It's not just husbando who's taught me these things - I don't have the space to list all the lovely people (internet weirdies some of them) who have held my hand and taught me to believe in myself - but I think it's important to take the time to remind ourselves of these lessons that are learned outside of the classroom. Some of these lessons are invaluable when it comes to new ventures - whether it be writing, blogging, climbing, creating, working etc


I guess the biggest lessons I have learnt, therefore, when it comes to challenging myself are:

• Trust: in yourself and what you are doing
• Honesty: own what you do, whether it's good or bad, it's still yours, who is anyone else to judge
• Love: if you don't love it, why are you doing it? Remember though, that the line between love and hate can be fine sometimes! But if it puts a fire in your belly, you should keep going.
• Humility: you're not perfect and you're not going to get it right all the time. So what!
• Kindness: go easy on yourself, sometimes there are no rules or guidance, sometimes there's too much guidance and you just have to figure it out for yourself.
• Belief: it'll be okay - it's not brain surgery after all!

So, who are your teachers? What have you learnt from them? And are you reminding yourself of these informal lessons when you need them - you might be surprised by how comforting these can be on dark days. Here's to all our teachers, whoever and wherever they might be. And specially to my husbando, he's a bit of a star :)

Thank you and goodnight

Stupidgirl has left the building

PS I wrote this blog listening to the Juno soundtrack. It's lovely and I highly recommend it :)


PPS I have refrained from taking the medication for my muscle spasm until I have finished this blog post, after last night's debacle! You may be amused to know that last night I forgot the word `serious` and laughed like a drain when reminded of it. I also laughed hysterically at pretty much everything everyone said. In the morning I had much embarrassment. DRUGS ARE BAD KIDS.

Didn't You Get The Memo....A Newbies Guide to Book Publishing (part 1)

Hi everyone, hope you're having a good Easter Monday! After a long train journey home from Wales, I thought I'd do another Stuff-I've-learned-as-a-newbie post (see my blogging one here)....this time on what I know about the kerazzzzzzeeeee world of book publishing...

I decided to write this post because I used to work in bookselling and publishing. Not for a huge period of time granted, but just over five years in two internationally renowned publishers gave me a little insight into what happens in those ivory towers. So, I don’t make any great claims to know everything at all about publishing, this is just what I know and I thought I’d share it with you. As with any advice on the net, take it with a pinch of salt and a dash of common sense. Knowledge may be power but equally a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. So with that caveat, let us begin!

In my opinion informing yourself on the intricacies of the publishing world can be a big asset to a new/debut/wannabe author…. You might feel like finishing your ms/wip/greatest work of fiction is the hard bit over and done with, but in some ways your journey has just begun. Firstly, if you’re reading this and you’ve already gotten a book deal, many congratulations, that’s awesome – and indeed you may already know some of the below. On the other hand (like me) you might still be in your first draft but thinking ahead to submission and just feeling a little WTF about everything. In which case, this blog post might be helpful for you.

1) Money, money, money….
Okay, please don’t forget that, for better for worse, a publishing house is a ultimately, a business. If they buy a book, to a certain extent they are looking for a return on their investment. Admittedly they don’t always get it right, and they can afford to take a hit, but mostly they’re looking for books that will SELL. It might sound fairly obvious but remember this when you’re getting rejections, editorial criticism and so on, don’t take it personally. It’s the whole `business` thing coming into play. And ultimately the more you sell, the better for YOU – if you plan to make a living from this whole writing malarkey.

2) What flavour is your book?
It might sound like a total no-brainer but what is your book about? Have you got an elevator speech for it? If you can’t do this for your book, you need to be able to. I appreciate that not every book is classifiable or slots neatly into a genre – how else would we have gotten supernatural romance if not for Twilight + True Blood, or the boom in YA if not for genre busting novels like Harry Potter or The Hunger Games. However, most books can – and do – fit roughly into a genre. So perhaps think about:

• Where might your book sit in a bookstore? 
• What sort of authors/reviewers would you want to write blurb for the jacket? 
• What is your competition out there? (c’mon there’s gotta be someone!) 
• What would the blurb on the back of your book say? 

This might seem initially challenging *but*, as I’ll come onto later, it’ll really help you when it comes to marketing and pitching your book. (NB not for your query letter though). It might also help you crystallize the core story of your book.

Didn't You Get The Memo?...Top 10 Newbie Blogger Tips

So I thought I'd try something new on here. I'm not normally all that good with change but, after having a few days off and then coming back to a wonderful reception to my post last night, I wanted to give you guys some more (hopefully decent) content.

I try to give back and share as much as possible, so this post is about all the stuff I wish I'd known back in January. If you're an experienced blogger you'll probably know most of the below - but there might be some good links for you! After the tips there are also a couple of questions that I got asked earlier today about blogging. And remember, if you've got tips to share or other questions to ask please post them in the comments part.

Tip One - Don't expect to get it right first time.
This applies to content, blog layout, lots of followers, jargon, gadgets, the lot!
It took me a little while to tweak my blog layout to just how I wanted it and to add the gadgets I wanted. Not all of them are suitable when you're just starting out IMO anyway - I didn't want to set up a Facebook page in the first week, when about 2 people were reading my blog - and one of them was my mum. Make sure that when you do add gadgets they are relevant to your blog as well.
PS By gadget I mean the stuff on your blog that's not the actual writing - like top 10 posts, archives, pictures, links, blog rolls etc

Also take the time to figure stuff out in the early days - you probably won't have that many viewers, so it won't matter if you muck up a couple of times! There's so much helpful advice out there - take it. I would particularly recommend (as ever) Novel Publicity for their advice on blog layouts, using social media and how to set up FB pages. Check it out!

Be kind to yourself - there's no one watching you or judging you - your blog is your domain and what you say goes! Which brings me on to......

Tip Two - Be Yourself
Don't write for other people, write for you and what you're interested in. Easier said than done I know. I was really scared when I started blogging, I thought WTF am I doing this for (see here)  - there are so many bloody bloggers out there, yes really! but I kept going (see here) because wow, people started reading the blog - and commenting - and asking me stuff. So I realised that there was an audience for my writing and that other bloggers were not the enemy - we're all unique. So keep writing - someone out there will like it. I found it helpful to write a set of rules for the blog, to remind me - and my readers - what I was all about. And maybe it was a bit silly, but I wanted to have a little integrity on my blog - after all, I bare my soul on here to thousands of people, all over the world.

Tip Three - Play Nicely
Okay, repeat after me....Read...aaaaand SHARE. Read....aaaand SHARE
You know when someone sends you a funny link and you just have to share it? Well the same goes for blogging and links and cool websites. Share. A lot. All the time. This is kind of the point of blogrolls - a way of showing other blogs that you're into, but for me, I try to regularly do shout outs in my posts of cool sites, places I've been to, books/blogs I've read, music/films etc - you get the picture. It's about sharing the love. Also what you like doesn't have to be hugely popular. I love giving newbie bloggers a shout out on my blog - because established bloggers have done it for me. It's kind of pay-it-forward in blogging. On the plus side, if you do mention someone - let them know - sometimes they'll link to your blog on a tweet or even, their blog. However this is not the main reason to do this.

I also like to read + follow lots of other blogs - just because I am truly fascinated by other people. I read a wide assortment of blogs - from management to weddings to campaigning to writing to climbing....and I love it. I feed off this information. And it reminds me to stay true to what I do as well. So once again.....read...aaaand SHARE!

Breathing In - Word of The Week

Inspiration n: Stimulation of the mind or emotions to a high level of feeling or activity Ety: c.1300, "immediate influence of God or a god," especially that under which the holy books were written, from O.Fr. inspiration, from L.L. inspirationem (nom. inspiratio), from L.inspiratus, pp. of inspirare "inspire, inflame, blow into," from in-"in" + spirare "to breathe" (see spirit)

(Listen to this whilst you read this post - I wrote this post listening to it)

There is a lot of talk about inspiration being something that `hits` you. That comes out of the blue and kind of, clonks you on the head - a `lightbulb` moment. That's not really how it feels to me. 

Inspiration to me is a state of being. It's an emotion or a state where my head and my heart and everything in my body is aligned perfectly. I feel every bit of oxygen in my body, that my blood is flowing smoothly, that my eyes are open wider, that my ears are listening more keenly and that I am receiving knowledge with every cell of my being. I guess it is akin to a religious experience. I feel that I am my truest self in that moment and so anything I produce - be it writing, blogging, cooking, climbing, talking - is my most honest creation. 

In the movie Stigmata, Patricia Arquette's character is possessed and she quotes from the new testament "the Kingdom of God is inside you, and all around you, not in mansions of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood... and I am there, lift a stone... and you will find me." 

I'd never heard these words before and they stuck with me. I'm not a religious person but I try to find beauty everywhere, even in the most unlikely places. And that, to me, is inspiration - it's everywhere, you only have to open yourself to seeing it.

This Much I Know Is True - An Interview with Barnaby

Hi everyone, I absolutely cannot believe it's friday again ALREADY?!? *wears puzzled expression*. Anyway, as it's friday, that means it's interview day and tonight I am delighted to have @BarnabyHazardM on the l-shaped sofa.


Tonight's interview theme is around travel and Barnaby certainly has done a fair bit. I was curious to interview him to see what he'd learned from his travels and also about the blogging he's been doing in relation to it. 


Just to fill you in, BHM was born in the UK, grew up and was educated in New Zealand, taught English in Japan and now proofreads medical letters in India (and writes whenever he can). He's 26 and the 'baby' of the family with two older brothers. Sometimes he talks too little, sometimes too much; whatever the case, he tries to be honest - which I think is a great aim!


Food-wise, we're having a little variety tonight with veg pakora, garlic naan and er, roasted cashew nuts! Apparently we're also drinking single malt whisky (on the rocks) so I'm guessing we'll be slurring our words by the end - and we're listening to some 60's choons tonight. So grab a snack and chill out with us...


Me: I think you know what I'm gonna start with so ... what is the best piece of advice you've ever been given?

BHM: Just an easy one to start, eh? (Does everyone say that? Haha!) It’s so hard to think back and find one piece of advice that stands out but there’s one I can think of off the top of my head: my friend Emily suggesting India as a worthwhile place to visit. I’m so glad I followed that advice, as I really do feel it has changed my life for the better.

Me: Wow sounds like travelling has given you a focus, can you tell us a secret about yourself?

BHM: I was obsessed with (i.e. addicted to) blackjack for a while in my early 20s. I never lost big money, but I went to the casino a lot – like once a week. I totally thought I could beat the system and studied how to do so, then I understood that the house always wins, and the fun slowly went out of it, so I stopped.

Me: So then how did you get bitten by the travelling bug?
BHM: New Zealanders have this cultural concept called ‘the big OE’, or overseas experience, which many people undertake after finishing university studies in order to get more perspective on the world outside our tiny, isolated nation. I’m part of that group, I guess. Many head for English-speaking countries (I imagine you’ve had plenty of pints pulled by NZ bartenders in London), but because of a long association with Japan through friends and work, I decided to start my overseas adventure there.


Me: Wow, I'm super jealous, so go on, tell us a little more about life in India + also Japan
BHM: It’s a cliché, but life in India really is filled with contrasts and contradictions. It often drives me crazy – things like my local temple festival, which entails 4 days and nights of non-stop music, chanting and drumming blasting from banks of speakers placed throughout the neighbourhood, punctuated by regular firecracker explosions. How is keeping an entire neighbourhood awake all night celebratory?! But the longer I stay, the better I get at accepting things the way they are. Of course, the people are also generally open-hearted, curious and friendly, and I have made lifelong friends here.


Japan was quite a different story, very rigid and machine-like. That worked for me for a while, but with the guidance of my dear friend as mentioned above, I decided to go for the opposite and dive into the comparative chaos of India. An interesting thing is that even though Japan and India are so very different in so many ways, there are still deep similarities.

Tagged - a bit of blogging fun - pass it on!

Well I've been tagged on Twitter by @stephalie1 to answer a few questions! I do like a challenge so here we go! I have been tagged to complete the sentences below and to tag 5 fellow bloggers who I would like to see do the same.

I am.....unsure of myself? See this post I wrote about identity. But today, I am a writer, a wife, a friend, a climber and a sister.
The bravest thing I have ever done is.... run away from a rapist (after being assaulted) twice, in stilletos, on cobbles - and then report him to the police. And then leave my house and go out late, at night, by myself. I still get spooked coming home when it's dark and hate it when people walk close behind me. I don't drink much as a result and make sure that my friends are always okay on their journey home. They know they can stay at mine if they need to. (if you're interested, I posted about it here) Might be sensitive to some.
I feel prettiest when....I'm happy and with people I love. The clothes/make up/hair is irrelevant. 
Something that keeps me up at night is.....thinking about new/next/current blog posts, my work-in-progress, my anxiety issues, work, taking my medication at the wrong time!
My favourite meal is..... currently sushi. But I also love a decent roast chicken, steak and Nigella's Red Prawn + Mango curry made by a good friend of mine. (see here)
The way to my heart is.... by being an open, honest person and allowing yourself to be seen for who you are, this makes you vulnerable but I respect that. And also, people who do little, un-mentioned, un-asked for acts of kindness win me over every time.
I would like to be.....a published author. A better climber. Happy in myself. A mum!
So five bloggers I'd like to see join in are

KT - http://iknowineedtostoptalking.blogspot.com/

Rach - http://thecraftybat.blogspot.com/

Bobbins - http://demonwrangling101.wordpress.com/

Sage - http://sageontheedge.blogspot.com/

Will - http://vampirewonderland.blogspot.com/Consider yourselves tagged, I look forward to reading your posts!

Finally, here is a link to Steph's blog - the cause of this post! http://fromstudenttomidwife.blogspot.com/

Thank you and good night

Stupidgirl has left the building!

This Much I Know Is True - An interview with Betty

I am very, very excited about tonight's guest on my sofa. We've had a real mix of lovely people so far, but I am delighted to introduce to you blogger and published author (and dare I say it, sexpert) Betty Herbert of The 52 Seductions blog!

The blog - and soon to be published book - details Betty's attempts to to re-seduce her husband after 10 years of marriage, which some people (me included) found alternately funny, endearing, eye-opening and, above all else, inspirational - particularly for her confrontation of many of the issues that can plague a long term relationship! As before, I am honoured to have her sitting on my virtual sofa and to be interviewing her!

Betty would like me to tell you that she is 33, and lives on the Kent coast (Southern UK for non Brits) with her husband Herbert and her cats, Bob and Elvis. She likes knitting, cooking, drinking cocktails and swimming in the sea (but not in the winter. She is not one of those hardy types). 

So, we are munching thin crispy pizza with anchovies and olives mmmm and she's slurping away at the red wine, I'm on the white! Betty asked me to pick the music so we're listening to a random combination of 80's cheese (Whitesnake, Bon Jovi, Laura Brannigan) and some bits of the Tron soundtrack with a dash of Arcade Fire! Get comfy and we'll get on with the show...

This Much I Know Is True - An Interview With Emlyn

Hi All,


Tonight as part of my weekly interview series, I'm joined on my virtual l-shaped sofa by writer, blogger and book publicist extraordinaire Emlyn Chand. Emlyn loves to hear and tell stories and allegedly emerged from the womb with a fountain pen grasped firmly in her left hand (true story)

So just so you know, we’re eating thin-crust organic pizza with roasted eggplant, artichoke, spinach and goat cheese, (mmmmmm goats cheese, mmmmmm eggplant, mmmmmm artichoke) followed by a sinful chocolatey ganache, accompanied by Diet Mountain Dew (because we’re classy like that). I should add that as I'm in the UK and Emlyn's in the US I have *no* idea wtf mountain dew is but I assume its a kind of fizzy pop/soda - like EC says, we're classy here. We’re listening to Frank Sinatra’s greatest hits with the odd Bollywood song thrown in to intensify the mix (apparently). Emlyn's kinda bossy so I'm just doing what she says.


However, in case you missed it, *she* interviewed *me* earlier this week - live on Twitter! In case you missed it, there's a full transcript here :) Anyway, on with the show (aka, revenge for tough questions...!)




Me: First up, what’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?
EC: If you don’t believe in yourself, then who else will? I honestly cannot remember the context; this is probably something I read on a motivational poster during my elementary school years and has now stuck with me.


Me: I think that's excellent advice, but easier said than done! Before we hear a little more about your motivation, what is your favourite book?
EC: I have roughly six-million favorite books, so I’m going to reference an old favorite here: “Harold and the Purple Crayon” by Crocket Johnson. It opened my eyes to the world that could exist if only I was willing to create it, and I’ve never forgotten this lesson.

Me: How did you start blogging + writing?
EC: As funny as this may sound, I was discovered as a blogger much in the same way that models or actresses are discovered. When the Ann Arbor News went out of business and the planning phase for its replacement AnnArbor.com (a pioneer in the multimedia news platform) began, I was contacted and asked to work as a community contributor for the site. They found me through my large and active book club and deemed me a book expert. I began writing pro bono, and after a couple of months, they liked what I did enough to promote me to the lead books contributor and began to pay me. Pretty cool, huh?

Me:  That's awesome! I'm slightly jealous, I would love to do that. I know that you have a full time job as well as all the stuff you do - so how do you keep so motivated, as you give so much to people online – I think you never sleep!
EC: I am self-motivated 100%. I enjoy what I do and want to keep doing more of it as much as I can. I like to say that I have the opposite of ADHD. I go into hyper-focus mode and very little can pull me out of it. It’s why I blog obsessively, tweet obsessively, and novelize obsessively.

Me: Can you tell us a little about your current projects
EC: I pay attention to the world around me and ideas naturally follow. One July day, my husband and I were taking a road trip, I was totally bored and just staring at my vacant reflection in the side-view mirror. I was wearing these huge boxy glasses and though “huh, I look blind.” Then I thought about how there were teensy little images being reflected in my glasses, and then I thought about the blind prophet Tiresias from Greek mythology. My paranormal YA work-in-progress, which is called FARSIGHTED.

With regards to my “entrepreneurial spirit,” I noticed that my blog traffic rose phenomenally on days when I posted about how to use social media to further one’s writing platform. People were retweeting my links, asking me questions, and looking to me as an expert. It didn’t take long for me to realize that my understanding of this tech realm was a marketable skill and so Novel Publicity was born (the company will launch officially on March 1 and we’ll be giving away tons of prizes like a book trailer, blog tour, cover art, an evaluation of your unpublished manuscript + more)

Me: Okay, last question about your craft - what do you love + hate about writing?
EC: I love inventing stories and watching them come to life as I type in a plot point here, describe a character there. I love when my characters become so real to me that they show up in my nightmares (yes, usually nightmares). I’m not a huge fan of the editing process even though it’s totally necessary—who enjoys murdering their darlings, I ask you?

Me: Right, time for the *fun* questions - go ahead, tell us a secret about yourself:
EC: My secret is that I’m not as confident as people assume. I put on a brave face but really I’m scared every moment.

Me: Describe yourself in a dating ad
EC: Emlyn Chand is art married with ambition. She’s 5’10 and has pasty skin from spending too much time indoors and on her computer. You can contact her for a date if you really want to, but keep in mind that she’s already married and she’d probably prefer a fictional character to you any day of the week.

Me: Finally, what do you know to be true about life?


EC: You get out what you put in most of the time, but you never get out something you don’t first put in. If you work hard, you may or may not be rewarded, but you’re not going to be rewarded without the work—period.


Wow, that was a fun packed + informative interview, thanks Emlyn. Don't forget to check out Emlyn's blog, twitter account and her facebook pages (here + here) too too! She's a busy lady :) If you're a writer or a blogger she's definitely worth a reader and her info on social media usage is invaluable!


That's all for tonight folks - I'll be back on sunday with my Top 10 Childhood Memories, a picture essay of the seaside (Brighton) on Monday plus the usual WoTW and interview next week.


Thank you and goodnight


Stupidgirl has left the building 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder - My Top 10 Works of Art

Evening everyone, can't believe it's sunday evening *again*, how did that happen? This weekend has flown by even though I've not done much except chores, visit the mothership and eat. Hey ho, onwards and upwards (clicks neck boxer style) `bring it ON, monday`. However before we get to monday, perhaps you might like to see this week's top 10 list. I've gone for an art theme this time - and again as with poetry and love songs, I don't claim to have hugely original taste, but hopefully there will be something on here you've not see before. Anyhoo, let's get on with the show

1. Flaming June by Lord Leighton
This is, without doubt, one of my favourite paintings, ever! And I don't even like the colour orange. I've blogged about Leighton - and how you can visit his house - before, but this picture speaks for itself and no trite comments from me can really do it justice. However...all I can say is that there is so much more to this picture than meets the eye, I love the images in the background, I love the curve and heft of June's thigh. This painting is at once sensous and also, given that June is sleeping, seems oddly innocent, It's a painting I always find myself drawn to over the years. For proper info on the painting, click here

2. Guernica - Picasso
I'd never even heard of this painting before I read the book of the same name - and about the same incident - by Dave Boling. Both the book and the painting are incredibly moving and Picasso's talent at rendering the effect of war on innocent civilians seems to transcend his regular genius! The painting I believe, is now seen as a potent anti-war symbol and an `embodiment of peace`. Whatever you see when you look at it, I think that this painting changes your perception of war forever.

3. The Kiss - Klimt
There's lots of proper analysis of this painting online, but for me it perfectly embodies love and sex at the same time. I know that really the man + woman are wearing separate outfits but when you first look at the picture it seems as though they are wrapped up in an intricate blanket of gold. It is an incredibly intimate picture - I feel almost voyeuristic looking at it, so wrapped up are the couple. Oh, it's just so beautiful - and it's a visual representation of how I feel when I'm with husbando. PS Check out the link to wikipedia (above) for how this painting is also, apparently, a penis...

4. Four Darks in Red - Rothko
I never really `got` abstract art properly until I went to the Rothko exhibition at the Tate a few years ago. And then I fell head over heels in love with Rothko. Looking at one - or several - of his paintings at a time made me almost dizzy with colour. It sounds kinda weird but I wasn't sure if the paintings were inside or outside of me. The colour was so intense it felt three dimensional, the paintings seem to wrap themselves around you. Anyway...I've picked Four Darks in Red simply because the maroon hues felt so friendly and comforting to me, but really Rothko's works need to appreciated in bulk because that way you get their true, transcendent affect.

5. Girl With A Pearl Earring - Vermeer 
Not the most original choice, I give you that, but something about this painting just really gets to me. I love the expression on the girl's face - and the look in her eyes. I'm not sure it's as overtly sexy as the book/film would lead us to believe, there is something in her knowing gaze. Aside from the girl herself, what I also love about this picture is the light that plays across it even though the background is black. Where is the light source and why does it make the girl glow? Finally, the blue of her headscarf is just so beautiful.

6. Ophelia - Millais
I don't have anything big or clever to say about this painting, I just think the intricate detail of the riverbank and the use of colour makes it so very beautiful. Ophelia, as we know is, a character from Hamlet and her death is described by Queen Gertrude. Although the painting is almost photographic in its clarity, the patterns and colours used actually remind me of the clothing in Klimt's Kiss (above). What do you think?

7. The Scream - Munch
I'd like to quote Munch himself on the inspiration for this painting:
"I was walking along a path with two friends – the sun was setting – suddenly the sky turned blood red – I paused, feeling exhausted, and leaned on the fence – there was blood and tongues of fire above the blue-black fjord and the city – my friends walked on, and I stood there trembling with anxiety – and I sensed an infinite scream passing through nature."

Again this is another painting that means something different to every single person who sees it but I think we can all relate to that desire to suddenly stop in the middle of everything and just let out this scream. For me it would be a scream made up of equal parts terror, sorrow, anger and frustration. It is a scream of tiredness and also clearly a cry for help. I've read before that this painting is a visual representation of depression and mental health issues and certainly that chimes with my feelings about it.

8. The Lady of Shalott - Waterhouse

This is a fabulous, all consuming painting, I feel like I am standing on the water's edge watching her pass by. Also I am assuming you're all familiar with the poem `Lady of Shalott` by Tennyson which is an awesome poem and one that nearly made it onto the poetry top 10. Anyway, the painting! Colour, shape, detail - it's all there. I used to have a big poster of this painting pinned up on my bedroom wall (around the same time as my River Phoenix RIP poster which I used to kiss goodnight....I *was* 14) and so the first thing I saw every morning when i woke up was the Lady of Shalott. Whenever I see this painting, it's like greeting an old friend.

9. Marilyn Monroe Diptych - Andy Warhol

I love Andy Warhol's pop art images - in particular the Campbell soup can work - but the Marilyn prints are the ultimate in pop art in my opinion. One of the worlds greatest cinematic actresses immortalised on canvas by the genius that is Warhol. I know that this print is everywhere - and so can get a little tired from time to time *but* it's rare that you actually get to see the diptych in its entirety - colour and black + white. I didn't realise that the images were created soon after Marilyn's death and so the idea that each side of the diptych represent both her life and her mortality is fascinating to me. Plus I've always had a bit of a girl crush on Ms. Monroe, so I'd love to own a copy of the diptych!

10. The Kiss - Rodin

I thought I'd finish with a bit of sculpture and what better than a spot of erotic romance from Mr Rodin. It's such a lovely piece, the way they're entwined around each other. Apparently the piece was originally quite shocking for its representation of a woman being an active partner in the act of love - and no longer passive. I was also surprised to learn that the sculpture was also designed to be part of a larger work by Rodin entitled "The Gates of Hell" - in which our amorous couple are in the second circle representing a 13th century noble woman who falls in love with her husband's brother. Without knowing all the background history, this piece always makes me smile.

So that's it - that's my list! I hope you liked it and please do talk about your favourites in the comments section - I love to look at new pieces. Also thanks to the following tweeps, who kindly suggested + recommended their favourite works of art - if you don't follow these people - you should!

@hecate1979

@MelancholieC

@copperhobnob

@ZaphodCamden

@veronica_henry

@nicoleg75

@jenblacker

@jenniferri

Hope you all have great weeks this week and I'll be back on Wednesday with WoTW!

Thank you and goodnight

Stupidgirl has left the building

Fun with Japan - A Guest Photo Essay!

Happy Saturday lovely viewers - regulars and newbies! Hope you're doing well. I am very excited about this week's photo essay as I'm able to feature the work of a very talented guest photographer and blogger - the lovely Graffiti Living. If you've not checked out his blog or followed him on twitter, I urge you to do so. (PS In case you missed it, here's last week's valentine's themed photo essay)


Anyway let's get on with the show - today's picture essay theme is simply `Japan`. I think James would be the first to admit that he's a little nuts about Japan - and if you read his blog, you'll definitely know that. These pictures give such a wonderful flavour of an amazing place - and also show just how talented James is, so grab a cup of coffee, sit back and enjoy!

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Amazing stuff there. If you'd like to do a photo essay one week, please do get in touch - either through the comments bit on here, or over on twitter @stupidgirl45 - I'd love to feature your work if I can. 

In the meantime, tune in tomorrow for my Top 10 Favourite Works of art, in case you missed it, last week's top indie love songs caused quite a debate. I'll then be back midweek with WoTW and an interview with Emlyn Chand on friday. Plus don't forget - I'm being interviewed live on Twitter - 9pm UK time on Tuesday 22nd. Follow #emlyn to check it out + ask me questions of your own :)

Thank you and good night

Stupidgirl has left the building