2 May 2014

On My Tits + Off My Chest - Babies + Sleeping

(Quick note  On My Tits + Off My Chest - is a new series of posts on this blog about subjects that are irritating me. I can have a rant and get it off my chest! Always take these with a pinch of salt - they're not intended to be too serious....)


Babies and sleep - or lack thereof - where to start? I'll say it right now, Baby45 is a crappy sleeper. This came as news to me until fairly recently in his little life. Well, not that his sleeping patterns had changed , but that others had it better. I was more of the view that, hey, babies cry and don't sleep much. TOUGH. But apparently some people are getting a full night's sleep more than say, 5 times in the last 18 months....

Having a good sleeper seems intrinsically linked to how good you are as a parent - it's the first thing anyone seems to ask you. And if you have a bad sleeper then, tsk tsk, you *must* be doing something wrong. After all it's not like babies are biologically programmed to wake up for food or to scream to alert people to their presence. That little thing called evolution is such a bugger.

Having a poor sleeper also seems to mean that people will - as with anything parenting related - give you tons of unasked for and unrequired advice. If I had a pound for every time I'd heard any of the below, well, I'd be able to afford a really expensive sleep consultant to tell me stuff I already know...
"He doesn't need feeding any more at night"
"He should be sleeping through"
"Leave him cry"
"Don't interact with him/pick him up"
"Give him formula/water"
"Don't let him sleep in your bed"

Lucky me, so many people who are specialists in my son and his sleep! Just how did they know him so well, that they were sure these things would work. How did they know I hadn't tried some of these already? Oh wait a cotton-pickin minute, they didn't!

I know they're just trying to help. And like with any parenting issue that you've solved with your own child, it's hard not to feel a little like you've got the golden ticket. But mostly it just makes me want to stab them with a very blunt baby spork. 

Frankly, unless Baby45 is keeping you awake too (in which case, sorry), his sleep is not anything you need to worry about. Believe me, I'd quite like a full night's sleep more than 3 times a year too. I don't enjoy being a sleep deprived, crazy-mad, hormonal bitch mummy. 

So, to the other members of the No Sleep Til Anytime Ever Stupid club, well you're not alone. And we'll get our revenge when they're teenagers!

Thank you and good night,

Stupidgirl has left the building

PS Please don't leave any sleep advice in the comments, that's really so not the point of this post. 

2 comments:

  1. My one year old still hasn't slept through the night. Not once. Not ever. In solidarity sista.

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  2. *fist bump* You win the prize. Well, I bet it doesn't feel like much of a prize LOL :( Here's hoping - every damn night... Thanks for taking the time to comment

    SG45 x

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