So, in case you hadn't noticed. I didn't blog for a couple of weeks. I have no real excuse for this. Although I do feel a bit like a fake blogger sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I love writing, love the platform and the opportunity and the community, but sometimes it all gets too much for me. A bit like real life, I'm a secret introvert - I'm massively extroverted, most of the time and then sometimes being the loud, chatty, happy friendly person is too much and I need a little lie down away from the all the noise. It's the same with blogging. Sometimes it's just a bit draining.
I know it's my own fault - no one asked me to blog, I choose to do this - but I'm hugely competitive and put so much pressure on myself, even though I have no real desire to do reviews of change bags, or bottles or blinds or much else for that matter. And even though I kind of have some expertise in other areas - social media, recruitment, disability - I kind of feel like those are all covered off by better people and also my blog is not the place for those. So why blog at all really? I just like the opportunity, once in awhile to write something that resonates with other people - from eyeliner, to sleep deprivation to CBeebies.
I don't know if other bloggers find it draining - those who are pro-bloggers, I have *no idea* how you manage it. Between working p/t, being a mummy/doing most of the childcare plus household chores/cooking/paperwork and the odd gossip with my friends, my time is consumed. Oh and spending some time with husbando and dealing with LO's night wakings, I'm all done in a lot of the time. The thing is, I have the ideas, blog posts come all the time, it's just finding the time to sit and write.
And also, I think it mostly comes down to it taking a lot of confidence to get thoughts down on a blogpost now. Blogging has changed a lot in the 6 years since I started. Although there have always been....unpleasant parts of the internet....the viral nature and mob mentality of social media scares me - and I say that with corporate experience not just personal knowledge of the interwebs. I self censor a lot more now and worry about sensitive topics that could offend people - even common mummy topics like breastfeeding or birth stories.
It's also confidence about my writing as a whole. I just wonder why bother to write, when it's such a time suck away from things I should be doing like laundry or paperwork. I know it's time for me but I often feel like it doesn't show its worth very often. It would almost be better if I did want to review things - I'd have something concrete to show for my time away from other seemingly more productive activities. And I'm still not getting anywhere with my book writing. The blog is excellent procrastination for that!
So this post is a bit of a brain dump, a bit of an explanation as to not being around, and also a bit of a shout out to other bloggers. Do you feel like this too?
Thank you and goodnight
Stupidgirl has left the building