Very excited to be publishing the first in my interview series - `Emotions in Pregnancy` - check out this post to find out the reasons behind this interview series. Tonight's interviewee is Beth, who blogs at www.life-as-mum.co.uk, here's her story.....
Hello! I'm Beth. I am a 22 year old Mother of two. I live in N.Wales with my Partner and two daughters, Mia & Elliw. I started blogging in 2013 to document my family life and something that my girls can read back on, when they are older.
1. How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant?
FIRST PREGNANCY - I was only 16. I was stupid and didn't think about contraception. I honestly just thought it wouldnt happen to me, but obviously it did. I was scared. I was scared of being a single teenage mother. The baby's father denied that she was his because of silly rumours but he knew very well she was his. I went through pregnancy and first 6-7 months of her life alone, with the help of MY Dad.
I was scared of telling me people because i wasn't actually in a relationship with Mia's Dad. Although he knew very well i really liked him. When i found out i was pregnant at 7 weeks Mia's Dad started a relationship with another girl a week or so before i found out. I had a lot of abuse, people telling me i should abort (including Mia's Dad) and i even had people giving me sick comments which i won't go into. I was scared of disappointing my family most of all.
SECOND PREGNANCY - My second pregnancy was unplanned and unexpected. I was on the pill and i had missed 2-3 days. I was only with my Partner for about 3 months. Again, i was scared telling other people and dissapointing my family. I had the support off everyone and from my partner.
2. How did your mood vary over the course of the pregnancy and did it vary by trimester or milestones?
FIRST PREGNANCY - I didn't buy anything for Mia until my 20 week scan. I felt like i wanted to buy sooner but looking back, I'm glad i waited. My moods got worse in the 3rd trimester as i had a condition called Obstetric Cholestasis. OC is a liver condition, where you itch CONSTANTLY all over your body.
SECOND PREGNANCY - The same with my first pregnancy, i didn't buy anything until my 20 week scan. My mood changed in the first trimester because i suffered with bad nausea every evening, but i was better in the second trimester. I got back into a bad, emotional mood in my 3rd trimester.
3. Did your symptoms affect your mood and emotions at all?
Having Obstetric Cholestasis affected me quite badly. I couldn't sleep at night and i found it much harder going in my second pregnancy because i still had to wake up to my eldest daughter in the morning, whilst my partner went to work. I would try to sleep without covers, on the floor and even on the sofa downstairs. It was really hard to feel 'myself' during the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy.
In my second pregnancy as well as having OC, i suffered depression. I think having OC was part to blame for getting depression. I felt useless. I felt like i couldn't do much with my first child. I also had that feeling where i thought i wouldn't be able to share my love between two children.
4. If you did have low mood or have any mental health issues during your pregnancy, how did you feel?
I don't know if i could call my low mood as depression in my first pregnancy but i was pretty much in a low mood at most parts of my pregnancy. I was just really scared on becoming a single mother. I have lived with my Dad all my life and my Mother is pretty much useless and never does anything with me so i was brought up by a single parent so i know how it feels and i never wanted any of my children to have a single parent (i have nothing against them by the way, as i was brought up by one myself!)
I didn't seek help when i fell into depression in my second pregnancy. I kept it all in and i do think it was the wrong thing. I should have sought help. I should have spoken to to someone about how i felt. Although I did have a few night time cries with my partner but he didn't and still doesn't understand how i felt. I really felt useless. I felt like i wasn't going to cope with two children. I remember telling myself that i will try my best to enjoy my whole pregnancy second time round. But i didn't. I couldn't wait until it was over with. Which is a big shame.
5. Did the medical side of pregnancy affect your feelings and mood at all?
In my first pregnancy i had to go to hospital to be monitored twice a week and see the GP at hospital once a week on a Friday, for the last 10 weeks. It made my pregnancy feel quicker and in a way it helped me. I felt like i had a routine and it kept me busy. Even though sitting on the bed for over an hour twice a week was pretty boring. I had an extra scan because she measured small. Everything was fine and she was 8lbs 9oz when she was born.
My Second pregnancy i only had to go to hospital once a week to be monitored and a GP at hospital once every few weeks. I had to go for an extra scan because yet again, they said she was measuring small. She was 9lbs 8oz when she was born!
I felt exhausted. I was on so many tablets in both pregnancies. I had to smother myself in a cream to help calm down the itching and i just felt helpless. I had to keep on movements as i was a little bit paranoid in case something went wrong but luckily nothing did. Having OC really effect my last ten weeks in both pregnancies, emotionally and mood-wise.
6. How did you feel about giving birth?
I was induced 3 days early with my first and i was induced again with my second but 6 days early. I was happy and i was over the moon that i was getting induced. I felt like i couldn't cope with the itching anymore. I couldn't enjoy my pregnancy, i felt disgusting and i really didn't feel myself. I couldn't wait to give birth, even though i was petrified.
7. What advice would you give to any mums-to-be on this subject?
I would advise anyone who suffers with depression during pregnancy, to seek help ASAP! Depression is a horrible illness and i found it worse when i was pregnant. I would honestly advise you to seek help as soon as feel or think you are depressed. I wouldn't want any mum-to-be to go through what i did.
Here's where you can catch Beth on social media:
Blog - Life As Mum
Facebook - www.facebook.com/lifeasmumblog
Twitter - @lifeasmumblog
Instagram - @lifeasmumblog_SW
If you'd like to answer these questions on my blog, just get in touch with on twitter @stupidgirl45. I'll be publishing the next interview in the series next thursday - hope you'll join us then!
Thank you and goodnight,
Stupidgirl has left the building