Behind the Masks - Word of The Week

(Identity n: The collective aspect of the set of characteristics by which a thing is definitively recognizable or known, The distinct personality of an individual regarded as a persisting entity; individuality. Ety: from Latin idem, the same, being, and identidem, repeatedly, from id, it; see i- in Indo-European roots.)

Tonight's WoTW is a bit naughty of me. As some of you might know, I've been seeing a counselor to deal with my er, black dog issues. She knows I write this blog and she asked me to write a blog post on `identity` as my homework for our next session. However, I don't think she expected me to post this online.

So, identity - it's something that I think I'm becoming more and more aware of as I wade deeper into that pool that calls itself `Social Media`. Increasingly it seems, we are required to define ourselves - and as briefly as possible, from the elevator speech to Twitter's 140 character limit on profile descriptions. Who are we - or more importantly how do we wish to be perceived? Sometimes I don't even think that people are conscious of their words coming to define themselves. 

Something I've noticed a lot on Twitter is that women seem to define themselves predominantly by their relationships to others; I would say 60% of the women I follow do this. Their profile definition is always `wife/mother/sister/daugher/aunt` etc. Clearly these relationships are very important to them - as they are to the majority of us - but do they come to define you as a person and are they the first thing that you want people to notice about you? 

Confession Time

(Honesty noun - The quality of being Honest adj. - telling the truth or able to be trusted and not likely to steal, cheat or lie Etym. - From the Latin `honestestas` meaning honor, honest or virtue.)


The aim of Word of The Week (WoTW) is to make me bring the focus of this blog back to writing at least once a week - as that was one of the main reasons I started blogging. The idea is that I'll talk about a word but show how I think it relates to the craft of writing, if that makes any sense. (Although last week's WoTW was not focused on writing, the previous week it was.) This week's WoTW is Honesty.


Weirdly the inspiration for this WoTW struck when I was in a seminar this morning - don't ask me how i get involved in these things - on the topic of coaching. One of the thoughts I had about coaching was that it seemed to me all about someone encouraging you to be honest with yourself about yourself and what you want. Bingo - WoTW found - tick off the list for today!


It made me think about how as I, as a writer (and yes, I am finally counting myself as one, being honest here) should be more honest with myself about my writing and what I want from it. Sometimes it feels like  the advice I've read about writing and writers and literature isn't all that honest; it can seem a little prescriptive and conformative (sorry, not sure if that's even a word). 


For example i think the general external perception of writing is that one must always be working towards the greatest work of literature ever produced, that to want to be published is wrongetty wrong wrong, that you should be a slave to your art etc etc. Clearly, for most published authors this is not the case, but even within writing circles I feel like there is a little bit of snobbery over what constitutes an acceptable attitude towards one's own writing.


I would guess that the majority of writers out there (published or not) are working away in spare rooms, coffee shops, squeezing time to write around day jobs that pay the bills and partners and kids and well, real life. Some of us write on the bus, on the tube and the train. I am guessing I am not alone in having inspiration strike at massively inopportune moments - mainly during my working day - yet I do not have the liberty to drop everything and bash out a few 1000 words. Neither, should I add, that if writers block strikes, can I wander amongst the daffodils. I have to write when i have time, regardless of whether the words are there or not. Else it doesn't happen at all. It does sometimes make me question why I bother to write.


So I would like to be honest here and say the biggest secret I have been keeping about my writing is............I dream of being published, I do, really, perhaps that's not a huge surprise but I am ashamed of admitting that in public. So often I have seen it said that you should not write to be published etc - and I'm not writing to be published but equally, it is one of the goals I am working towards with my writing.


Linking into this, if I'm honest, the possibility (tiny though it may be) of being published is something that helps motivate and focus me, otherwise what am I doing all this for? Clearly being published is only one of the reasons I write - I love my book and I am in love with my characters (wld like to point out I don't think my book is amazing, but I love it anyway, like old slippers). My book is comforting, it is non judgemental, it demands nothing of me save what I chose to give it. And at this stage of my life, I am finding it very rewarding to write - the creativity it demands is really helping me be more productive and creative at work - weird huh. I guess it would surprise you all to think that I don't really consider myself a creative person.


So this post is dedicated to all the writers and authors out there, for when it's really getting tough and it's hard not to lose hope and what WTF are we really doing here.  Well take time to think about yourself and consider what do you really want from your writing? More importantly, are you getting it? If not, why not? After all, as every Jewish Princess know (moi included) if you don't ask you don't get. I hope that this post inspires maybe someone out there to think about what you want from your writing and take the first step to getting there. Isn't that a little bit exciting + empowering?


I really welcome your comments and thoughts on this - good or bad (can't promise I won't cry!). It interests me.


Thank you and good night.


Stupidgirl has left the building

Navel Gazing

So I had a nice blog post written for this evening - not the nostalgia one I had planned - as I'm too tired for that, but just a nice retrospective one about writing and why I write this blog. Anyway like a total stupidgirl I accidently deleted the entire thing - and then the autosave saved the blank version - thanks blogger!


There's no point crying over lost words, I'm too tired for that, so I'm just going to summarise, in bullet points, what I said. Just for entertainment, sorry if you feel this is a cop out but I really wanted to write something tonight as I am going away tomorrow + won't have a chance to blog again until the weekend.

• I started blogging in 2009 for no apparent reason 'cept I felt I needed to write. I wasn't really sure why and I'm still not. I don't think what I have to say is all that interesting and there are many people who are much more articulate but for some reason I'm still here
• The snippet of book I posted last week is from a thriller I started working on last year involving twin girls, multiple personality disorder + a serial killer obsessed with nursery rhymes. I got way too bogged down with over-thinking the book and gave up after 5k words. 
• I used work and rock climbing as a substitute for writing. This does not work. Especially when you read around 2 books per week like I do. That little voice in your head is saying "writewritewrite". It's kind of hard to ignore so...
• I woke up with an entire book plot in my head in August 2010. I kind of fooled around with some character sketches and bits + pieces but not more than around 2k words. I left it.
• Then a "friend" mentioned NaNoWriMo, I thought fuck it, I can write 50k words, doesn't mean it'll be any good. So I did. So we're here and I have 50k words of "book"
• I plan to use this blog to encourage me to write regularly and come february I hope to have enough confidence to finish my Nano book. I need to write around another 30k words.
• My future plans for this blog involve writing mini essays on subjects that interest me like Nostalgia and Chocolate and Generation Y etc. I will also keep on doing my weekend lists and random book reviews and generally waffling on as you guys seem to like it and I want to keep you happy.
• I also plan to do some interviews with people I find interesting, so twitter peeps this means you These will be a little like the Observer's `This Much I Know I True. If you would be happy to be interviewed DM me or tweet me or comment below.

So that's pretty much it for tonight, just one more thing. Here's a tiny snippet from my nano book for you - don't forget, it's totally unedited, all errors are MINE!

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Nano Snippet

Sometimes I feel as if my brain is atrophying, there is just a white void in my skull where the knowledge should be. I feel hungry for something, but I’m not sure what. It’s like having a word right on the tip of your tongue but it just being out of reach. I see things, I hear conversations, read the odd paper and it stirs me up but again, that sensation of something sliding out of my grip. I don’t have to think any harder than how to please Michael and dullness of this is starting to terrify me. I think maybe the medication isn’t working anymore. At the Convent they started us on the medication as soon as we arrived. Just a little, white, round pill, no markings nothing – it’s your medication, take it, the nuns would say. And being good girls we’d wash it down with our morning juice.