5 Apr 2015

An Evening in the Life of an Amateur Blogger

5:30pm
Collect child from childcare. Reply to incessant babble whilst trying to retain that evening's blog idea in your head and planning out post structure. Bribe with jaffa cakes Organix gingerbread men for some peace and quiet.

6pm
Shovel dinner into child. Whilst yoghurt is being lavishly spread across your kitchen floor, tidy and prepare dinner to enable you to eke out an hour of gossiping on social media blogging.

7pm
Read 675,984 bedtime stories, including The Cat in the fucking Hat, 6 times - end up feeling slightly stoned. Sing lullabies in a rapid whisper whilst checking Twitter to see which linkys you should be doing today. Try to remember which old posts you can rehash for these and also blogpost planned on the way home. 

7:30pm
Realise child is asleep and you're sitting in the dark whispering to yourself - use ninja moves to sneak out. Bung dinner in the microwave and grab wine and laptop, only to discover darling child has switched on airplane mode and hidden all your icons. Fuckitty fuck. Also, low battery, where is the cocking charger?

8pm
OH home, dish up dinner, offer perfunctory chat and affection whilst also figuring out how to fix laptop, remember linkys *and* blog post idea. Find charger behind nappy bin/in change bag/under buggy (delete as applicable).

8:30pm
Finally sit down with laptop and wine - thank christ. Open twitter, facebook, and blog. Immediately get sucked into black hole of chatting. Try to remind self of blog homework but instead continue discussion about latest TV hunk on twitter, cc'ing in said TV hunk via his twitter handle.

8:45pm
Remember what you're supposed to be doing and begin writing! Tweet loudly and gleefully about this. Get side tracked by linky admin. Feel irrationally annoyed when you're the 167th post on a linky which is the linky equivalent of being sent to Coventry. Vow to be organised. Google "blog organisation" and "social media strategy" and "pro-blogging". 

9:30pm
Blog post complete, yay! Fortify self for tedious task of link insertion/link checking, uploading images, appropriate tags and other thankless editing tasks with chocolate and more wine. Consider gin but think best not to mix on a school night after brief discussion on - where else - Twitter.  

10pm
Pimp post across social medias. Wonder if Mumsnet/Netmums/Tots100/ ParentDish feel very unspecial when you copy them all into the same tweet. Fill up entire timeline on Facebook and Twitter with links to new post. Fail to remember Hootsuite password. Feel annoyed you cannot schedule link to new post at 3am for people up nightfeeding. Because it's just what they need.....

10:10pm
Your mother tweets you "WHY TWEETING LINK LOTS ALL OVER PLACE". Feel ashamed of shameless self-promotion. Drink more wine and wonder if tonight's post is the one that will have The Huff Post, The Guardian *and* Red magazine emailing to commission you.  Distract self with blog stats instead.

10:12pm 
Refresh blog stats

10:22pm
Refresh blog stats again

10:35pm
Refresh again. Small increase. Wonder if it's all worth it. Distract self by replying to backlog of comments. Wonder why some posts get more comments than others. Tell posts they are just as good as others. Consider perhaps lowering wine consumption as you are actually talking *to* your blog posts.

10:45pm
Yes - RTs/comments/likes! Even Mumsnet RT'd you, you feel like you've won the bastarding Pulitzer. Gabble away to all responses then retire to bed vowing to be more organised tomorrow, to plan blog posts, to schedule things and to dig out your Hootsuite password to enable this. You will be a pro-blogger, you will! 

11:15pm
In bed. Husband attempts conversation  You bat him away, there's still time to check twitter on your phone *and* get a couple of hours sleep before the baby wakes. And also, what was that other blog post idea you much write it down......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Unspecified middle of the night baby crying time am
Feed screaming baby. Check twitter. Realise you've put a massive typo in all your pimping out tweets. Wonder if you're really cut out for this. Resolve to drink less wine and worry about it all again tomorrow.....

Thank you and good night,

Stupidgirl has left the building

Post Comment Love
Friday Frolics

34 comments:

  1. Ahh! I LOVE this, such a funny read. I love how your writing style really reminds me of Bridget Jones' Diary...which is a really good thing 'cause they're possibly my favourite books ever. I am with you on the wine, I think I should drink less when blogging hahaha. Ray xx @ lukeosaurusandme.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. LOL thanks, hope it wasn't too derivative! And glad it's not just me on the vino ;P Thanks for commenting! x

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  2. LOL ... the life of many mummy bloggers ... all the best with getting organised about it all. I'm looking forward to the day when I'm on top of it all. :-) #aNoviceMumTwitterFeed

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    1. Yeah, not sure that organisation is gonna happen anytime soon.... :P Still, I can always hope :) Good luck to you too! THanks for commenting

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  3. Hideously accurate description of my life ...!

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    1. *fist bump* .....Thanks for commenting :) x

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  4. tehe I liked this one too. So true! Except you pimp more than me...must learn that one! I particular liked the bit about the story 6 times in a row. Sounds very familiar!! x

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    1. Gawd, I probably pimp too much. I have delusions of grandeur about my writing. I try to send it to people I think will like it, rather than expecting RTs shares etc. Anyway, if you don't ask, you don't get :) You know you're a mummy when you can recite The Gruffalo without needing the book :P Thanks for commenting :P x

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  5. Wine is definitely important! :) xx

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    1. Amen to that sister! Thanks for commenting ;) x

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  6. ha! Lovely this! Totally my approach...although often I find myself irritated at the fact that the brilliant blog post I had planned word for word on my car journey home from work, does not make it in one piece to the final version written 6 hours later after a manic evening. If I could think-write my posts as the ideas come, I'd be some kind of writing genius!

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    1. Oh, to think-write would be amazing! I'd be so much more prolific LOL! Glad to know it's not just me who plans things meticulously on the way home, only to lose half of it due to evening/bedtime chaos! Thanks for commenting :) x

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  7. He he he!!! Spot on! Loving the refresh stats. Must go...haven't done it in a whole ten minutes???!!!! xxx

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    1. LOL, Glad to know even the big bloggers love to refresh stats wahahahahah! x

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  8. Haha, sounds familiar in many ways lol.

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    1. Glad it resonated with you :) Thanks for commenting :) x

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  9. Laughed out loud at this one, I enjoyed your post and must remember to give you lots of favourites and retweets ;)

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    1. Glad it made you laugh! Thanks so much for sharing it, it's really kind of you! Thanks for commenting :)

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  10. Haha loved this! Brilliant and it's so true!! Especially the refreshing the stats. :-)

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    1. You know it, right! Glad it's not just me :) Thanks for commenting!

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  11. Nailed it. I'll follow you in twitter so we can both spam each other. Mutual spamming, something only understood by bloggers and telephone sales reps.

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    1. LOL always up for blog sharing craziness :) Pimp out those posts, do it!! Thanks for commenting :) *goes off to find you on twitter*

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  12. Yup. That pretty much sums up my existence at the moment. Especially the 'do they feel unspecial' part. And the wine....
    #fridayfrolics

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  13. Brilliant! I think a lot of us can relate to this. Very funny!

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  14. Haha! Life of a mother who blogs =P #pocolo

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  15. Ha Ha brilliant. You have more stamina than me though. I am crashed way before 11:15. Rock n Roll Baby! Thanks for linking up #FridayFrolics

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  16. Lol, I love this - so very true! Your comment about being the 167th post linked up to a linky being the blogging equivalent of being sent to Coventry really made me chuckle :-)

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  17. It's like you have a window into my life!! Great post #FridayFrolics

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  18. You echo what a lot of us do! Such a funny and entertaining post! Thank you for sharing x #PoCoLo

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  19. So much humor in all the truths of writing/blogging. I love this! It's a bit of a window to every writer/blogger/mother/parent's life, and it's making me feel better about my crazy quirks when blogging as well. Thank you for sharing!

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  20. Meant to comment on this the other day chic but forgot along with several killer blog posts I thought about and have now forgotten! LOVE this post! Thought I was they only one who checked Twitter while reading to my my children (tsk) I'll be tweeting more you know who tweets on Sunday! #PoCoLo #Poldark

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  21. Ahhh, those were the days! I am still like to an extent now but it does get easier after two and a half years (who I am kidding, eh?!!). Great post! Thank you for linking to #PoCoLo x

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  22. Love it! I'm much more inept though which is why despite having a blog and posting on it an everything, I don't consider myself a 'proper blogger' - I'm not organised enough! x

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  23. The Mother says - Yep! That sounds about right............. you've covered everything and I love how you've written this. Great post :) #pocolo

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