28 Feb 2011

Putting the Cool in UnCool - Top 10 Embarrassing Tracks on my iPod

So, as punishment for not posting my top 10 childhood memories last night - and generally failing to post at all this weekend - tonight I am owning up to the most embarrasing `choons` on my ipod. In some cases it's not just a track, it's an entire album or body of work that I own by a particular artist. In fact I'm cringing just thinking about some of the er, gems that I willingly parted with hard earned cash for (yes, thank you iTunes). Remember people, drinking and internet shopping is *not* a good combination. It's a little like drunk texting - the next morning when you see what you did, you'll be all about `wtf did I buy that song for` what what what. And then repeat all over again next time you get home drunk. Please say it's not just me.

I'd better crack on with the list then - but just for my amusement, at the end is a list of songs that stupid tweeties that I follow, claimed to own. Oh yes, public humiliation time plus I have actual karaoke video of some of these tweeties!

***Disclaimer: I am having some weird-ass problem with flash player not working on my laptop so I've not put any links in to youtube videos so that you can experience the full wonder of these songs for yourselves. Sorry. However, on second thought, maybe that's a good thing?***

Top Ten Most Embarrassing Tracks on my iPod

1. Enya
Oh yes, you heard right, that's Enya. And there's a reason why I've not listed a track. And that's because I own not one, but TWO whole Enya albums. Seriously. In my defence, her Orinoco Flow goodness clearly takes me to my happy place because this is what I have to listen to, to get my head in the correct gear for writing my *novel*. Srsly. Once I've gone through both albums then - and only then - can i move onto something that one might actually hear in public. So that's Enya - I thought I'd start with a classic. And for those who care, my favourite track is either `Only Time` from the album `A Day Without Rain`. I also love `Ebudae` from Paint The Sky With Star.

2. I'm With You - Avril Lavigne
Er, yeah no I don't have a logical reason for owning this really. I just like it. I have no idea why because Avril's faux sk8ter grrrrl shtick really gets on my nerves, plus she like, totally, rilly can not sing whatsoever. Nope. I know that her whiny patheticness on this track should also grate like her false black talons down a skate ramp but oddly it doesn't. I don't know - any of you guys like it? Is it true that she's really a trained ballet dancer? Also weird and slightly creepy factoid for you, I used to work with a guy who had the *biggest* crush on her - this was about six years ago and he was in his 30's so I do find it slightly pedo-ish. He even went to her gigs. Weird right? Much weirder than me liking this track.

3. Rockstar - Nickleback
Okay, I'm sorry but I really shouldn't have to defend this one, I know that Chad Kroeger and his MOR cronies are just cringe-tastic in the rawking out stakes butbutbutbutbut this song just makes me happy AND when I decided to quit a job around four years ago, this was the song that kept me going even when I thought I was making a fucking HUGE mistake and shite-ing up my career. But I didn't shite it up. And this song is the soundtrack to that time of my life. Plus it has some awesome cameos including one from Kid Rock (yes I know, he's a complete douche but still - anything is better than the Chad-man). Another random factoid for you - which is so incredibly tangential but here goes...when I was around 16 and on a family holiday in South Caroline some total rich redneck boy cracked on to me and he was called Chad. I didn't reallise until that point that anyone outside of SVH was called that! 

4. Self Control *and* Gloria - Laura Brannigan
Oh I see you, you're sitting there going, WTF?? I have *never* heard these songs ever. But actually you have, oh yes. They are total 80's cheese-tastic classics and you will find that you even know the lyrics, particularly to Gloria "Calling Gloriaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" and erm, it was also on the er, Flashdance soundtrack.  I have to say I prefer the synth pop of Self Control with the best drum machine possibly ever until Vanilla Ice came along. It just makes me dance. I have no shame clearly - even as I write this I am listening to "you take my self, you take my self control" and erm, sofa dancing. So yes, I'm shameless for sure. And lacking in cool. But more importantly fact fans Laura Brannigan was a back up singer for Leonard Cohen and also had songs featured in Grand Theft Auto...or something. So listen and enjoy tweeps.

5. Baby I Don't Care - Transvision Vamp
As the song says "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" yes, to you, if you don't like this one. I know I'm hitting you up with the 80's cheese big style tonight - and there's more to come, but there's something about this track that just screams big hair, bad eyeliner, blusher stripes and er, FUN. Unfortunately wikipedia has just informed me that TV are in fact `alt rock` and therefore might be cool - woops. Also one of the guys in the band ended up in Bush. With these facts I am spoiling you fact fans. oh yes. Still, the song KICKS ASS

6. St Elmo's Fire (Man in Motion) - John Parr
I have absolutely NO IDEA wtf this song has to do with the phenomenon that is St Elmo's Fire but obviously this song is from the movie of the same name and nothing to do with sea-faring legends. Anyway this `choon` reminds me of a very bad (and by that I mean EXCELLENT) club I went to at university that most memorably stank of feet for some reason. It had a regular 80's night and I remember dancing my little stilleto clad feet off to this one (most likely on a podium as well, clutching an `alco-pop` in one hand, a man-boy in the other). I hadn't thought of this song in ages until a rather horrendously awful dance version of it cropped up in my Body Combat class (also worth pointing out that we had to shadow box to a house version of Smells Like Teen Spirit - KC would have been spinning in his grave).

7. The Best of Belinda - Belinda Carlisle
So yes, I think you might have realised that I'm a bit of an 80's freakazoid. Sorry but I love Ms Carlisle. I quite frequently listen to this whole album on the way to work in the morning. If you get the Northern Line in from Sarf London around 8:30 and you can hear a tinny version of "oooooh heaven is a place on earth" emanating from a girl with pink headphones it'll most likely be me. I fear I've not really embarrassed myself enough on this post so without further ado I shall say that although HIAPOE  is my fave BC track, I also love I Get Weak and Runaway Horses. It really doesn't get much more cringe-worthy than lyrics such as "I'm in love/I'm in deep" and er "Suddenly all of my fences have broken/I'm cutting the reins of my life"

8. If I Could Turn Back Time - Cher
Okay firstly, the video for this is just fucking genius. Even Lady Gaga + La Aguilera combined into some giant lady monster would baulk at the idea of wearing a lace thonged body and straddling a cannon whilst singing to a ship full of sailors (seamen if you like). I like most of Cher's oeuvre anyway (plus with straight hair I get told I look like her) - who wouldn't love such politically correctly entitled songs such as `Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves` oh yes, but IICTBT is just classic - the guitar intro, the famillar Cher wails and the obligatory key change just before the end of the track. You know you love it.

9. Leaving On A Jet Plane - John Denver
You can blame Glee for this one - had it in my head ever since the end of the last series. Yes it's cheesy, yes it's a bit nerdy. But I like it. Live with it.

10. Escape - Enrique Iglesias
Okay no, this is not here because I fancy Enrique. Well....not *just* because I fancy Enrique. Okay time for another embarrassing story. This song came out around the time I got together with husbando. I liked him for a long time before he realised/liked me. So the lyrics "You can run, you can hide but you can't escape my love" as well as sounding just a tad stalkerish summed up how I felt. Anyway the video always made me smile because it had someone we each fancied in me - Enrique, husbando - Anna Kornikova. It's a naff song but I likes it alright.

So that's it for the embarrassing songs hair-shirt type post. I hope you've all been thoroughly amused but also enjoyed some, if not all of the songs!! I hope you'll share your cringiest tracks on the comments section - some that have been mentioned to me (Admitted?) are Barry Manilow, PJ + Duncan, various Disney soundtracks, Mc Hammer,Vanilla Ice....you guys are way worse than me.

Finally, here's a sneak preview of someone I'll be introducing to you tomorrow:

This little rascal is Archie! And he's my parents doggy with whom I had lots of fun down in Brighton on saturday. Pictures *and* video footage to follow tomorrow, plus I'll be back on Wednesday with WoTW (Method) and an interview with a fabulous accessory designer as well - 'citing stuff.

Thank you and good night

Stupidgirl has left the building


  1. HA while I was reading this I was thinking suddenly of the song Hero by Enrique Iglesias.. I HATE the song with a passion but the lyrics are beyond beautiful. So yeah You'll find me listening to that every now and again.

    I dont know half the songs in your list, but I'm guessing I will when I hear them on spotify or youtube. So, erm, will do, okay? ;)

  2. you know, the performer doesn't matter. the coolness of the lyrics or subject matter isn't important. it's all about how the music makes us feel. St Elmos fire is a great anthem of hope and triumph. laura brannigan is great drive-time music. leavin on a jet plane evokes college stuff and all that...but I want to hear about BRIGHTON. I really like seashore towns. we spend a LOT of time just south of Atlantic City (Brighton + A.C. share a certain vibe). tell us about Brighton. I'd love to hear bout UK shore resorts.


  4. ooh ok..the only ones I dont have are Enrique & Laura Brannigan...oh, oh and Nickleback ( but I actually like that too)

    And exsqueeeze me missy but WHAT is wrong with Transvision Vamp...I have the vinyl dontchyaknow :) (insert dream sequence back to wild times at college in the late 80s/early 90s...yes Im THAT old)

    and IIII dooooont caaaaare *flicks hair* :)

  5. Um yeah, I'm with Sage. I was in college in 92. Wild times. Lol. And there's nothing wrong w/ any of those songs :D

  6. I own several of the songs on your list. Love them. Nothing wrong with guilty pleasure songs when they make you feel good. Sing outloud!

  7. It's a bit of a worry that the tracks you've dubbed your 'most embarrassing' would probably be down as my 'most on trend' ... :D


  8. LOL you're all too funny. In 1992 I was listening to Bryan Adams - wait, how'd I forget to put him on this list DOH!!!

    Will - brighton stuff will be up ce soir mister :)

    KT -wahhhhh!I still have no idea who Nicki Minaj is. I just hear Nicki Minge when I hear her name.

    I forgot to add to the list Jane Wiedlin and um the Gladiator soundtrack. And er, that's it!

  9. Great post - I listened to TV's album including Baby I don't care recently and I STILL like it.So there! I don't care, lol.

    Ditto for Aha's Scoundrel Days (I need to work out how to get it from LP to itunes to listen to it again).

    St Elmo's Fire just brings back memories of teenage angst and heart break at never being able to meet Emilio Estevez. A one girl pity party, lol.

  10. #10 really is a howler ;-).
    Hmm i may have Sarah Brightman and the Bee gees