Today was a day that started badly but got a lot better. It seems that no matter how horrible it is when you compare yourself to others and find yourself lacking, it is nothing compared to the feeling when someone compares your child to others and finds them lacking. I got sucker punched right in the heart.
That was upsetting, but then, I took Baby45 to the playground and pushed him on the swings and his laughter made me smile so I thought fuck 'em. Anyway, here's 8 things about Baby45, the apple of my eye.
1. Thor - he gained this nickname after my OH got drunk with another dad at a party and decided thenceforth that Baby45 needed to be called Thor. If we have another child, we will call that child Loki*
2. Bass - it's All About That Bass in this house. Baby45 is utterly, COMPLETELY obsessed with this song and video. <deadpan> "Bout the bass mummy....NO t-weble".
3. Metal - having said that, I played him Rage Against the Machine, Muse, Foo Fighters and Nirvana when he was a bump. He wrinkles his little nose up at Iggy Azalea's Fancy. I put on Manic's cover of Umbrella. Cue smiles and bopping.
4. Blue - he has the palest blue eyes I have ever seen. This is all the more special because they are recessive and brown eyes run in our family. But I gave birth to a little blondie whose indigo eyes just lightened and lightened. They have little flecks of silver in them.
5 Connecting - when Baby45 was born, I didn't get that instant bolt of love. I was more relieved that labour was over! But about 20 hours later, at 4am, when OH was asleep, I was awake. And in the clear plastic bassinet next to me, suddenly this little hand starfished against the side nearest me, as if Baby45 was reaching for me "I'm here mummy!!". And BOOM, smitten. Totally. <graituitous newborn pic>
6. Love - there may be 1000 words for love, but I think Baby45 has a thousand nicknames for love. Pickle, bumface, pudding, squishy, sausage, nuk-nuk, schnookums, babypie, munchkin, sausage, fishface, noo-noo....I could go on but you're all retching into your laptops.
7. Tests - when I found out I was pregnant, even though I knew it was a possibility, I was still surprised when the line came up on the test. And straight away I didn't feel alone any more, there were 2 of us. "Hello you," I said. And I put my hand on my flat tummy as if that tiny cluster of cells could feel it. But even from the start, in my head, he was this little person.
8. Bump - Baby45 had attitude from the time I could feel him moshing inside (or at least that's how he felt). He was so wriggly, I felt him from 12 weeks which is very early. At one point when the midwife was listening for his heartbeat with that wooden thing they used, he managed to kick it so hard, it hit her on the head. He also kicked someone next to me on the bus! He's not really changed much since he came out :)
That's all I could manage words-wise for tonight. I know it's not really been filters off per se, but that's where my head has been today - celebrating my boy. I also did 3 loads of laundry and made a casserole :)
Thank you and goodnight
Stupidgirl has left the building
PS That's a joke, obviously :)