This is a tricky letter to write because when I was younger I never expected to get this far, never expected to live past 30, so I hadn't thought about life after that and what it would look like. I didn't plan on achieving anything. But contrary to how I felt as a teenager, I'm somewhere I hadn't planned for - so how do I imagine beyond that.
So then, what do I want to say to future me? Why am I bothering other than as a way of filling blog space in this daily blog post challenge? I guess maybe I'm a bit superstitious of the power of the written word. That once it's down on paper, it's more likely to come true because you're more likely to make it so because you're more accountable to it. Why can't I just come out and say it? I want to finish my book and ideally get it published.
So future me, I hope you finished your book that this snippet is from. You edited it. And then you edited it again (as the song goes, "all kill their inspiration/and sing about their grief"). And then you submitted it to agents. I feel stupid wishing for any more than that. Damn, why is it so scary vocalising my dreams. I've written on this blog, over and over, that I want to write a book. So what am I waiting for?
I'm scared to call myself a writer sometimes. How do I earn this badge? I've been writing since I was a child. Stories and poetry as a teenager, as a young adult. And then I stopped. For about 10 years. I just didn't want to write, there was nothing to write, I wrote myself off. Then I started this blog - there are probably 100,000 words on here. And I completed Nanowrimo. I've started, at last count, 7 "novels" - written anywhere from 6,000 words to 50,000 words of them. I've guest blogged and given tonnes of blogging advice. At work I've written hours of copy, press releases and presentations. And mostly I've read my ass off. But in my eyes, I'm not a writer. I'm a wannabe.
I think like climbing, I need to do it. Because this book isn't going away - the voices of the characters in my head aren't getting any quieter. Why do I need to write this book? It's a bit like why people climb Everest - because it's there. I can write this book, I just need to get it down on paper.
Writing is very simple really, you just have to get the words from your head, onto paper - and have them mean to your reader, exactly what they mean to you. So I'd better get on with it then.
Thank you and good night,
Stupidgirl has left the building
PS This post is a semi follow up to this post.
PPS ICYMI here's the blog post on some of my favourite books.